What's that awful racket in the distance?
It's the sound of hordes of British youths enjoying a hedonistic week in Ibiza. Driven abroad by the demise of the Radio 1 Summer Roadshow, these young people are forced to endure extremely high temperatures, cheap accommodation, ear-bleeding decibels and the ever-present threat of "trouble" in the pursuit of pleasure.

What does beachbeats.com do for these hapless young people?
It warns them of the current temperature in Ibiza and Ayia Napa, providing practical guides to each of the resorts. Tips include a list of things to bring (passport, condoms, whistle) and things to avoid (staying out until only midnight, mouthing off to the Guardia Civil). And it gives away a crate of Smirnoff Red each week to help prepare clubbers for their holidays. Travellers can also book their flights and accommodation via the well-established bargainholidays.com: week-long packages start at around £250, although Cyprus is more expensive.

Is the website just as noisy?
Not initially, but depending on the power of their speakers, clubbers can play a number of dance videos loudly enough to annoy their parents and flatmates. They can also arrange to have details of club nights sent to their mobile phones. Still, given how slowly the pages load, it's more likely that these impatient young people will get bored and phone their friends for advice instead.