There are very few things that give as big an insight into the perverted juxtaposition of the terms British and tourist as the Castaway 2000 telly show. It's not an obvious insight, admittedly, but it is definitely there.
Since the group of volunteers were willingly wrenched from their comfy homes and dropped on Hebridean Taransay, the number of tourists flocking to Scottish islands has spiralled. The encouragement for visitors, you will remember, is not of the sort generally found in glossy brochures.
Cold. Gale force winds. Horizontal rain. Cold. Snow. More cold. A bit more rain. Who needs Majorca when you can have all that?
But then, then there was the inescapable fact of the island's beauty. While the Scottish islands are never going to offer guaranteed sunshine, they do have beauty and romance in abundance.
On Mull, you can drive for hours on single-track roads and pass barely a soul. As the landscape changes from undulating to mountainous, from lush to craggy at every turn of the wheel, the stresses of urban life melt away.
There is something about disembarking from a ferry onto a barely inhabited island that makes real life seem so very far away. There's things to do to fill the day time hours - visit Iona, the root of British Christianity. But it's the evenings that make things special.
Lie in a bath in a hotel so quiet - like Killiechronan - that it is possible to hear the tick of the downstairs clock. Eat locally landed seafood and drink too much wine, before walking it off along the water's edge.
On Lewis and Harris, you can stroll on white sandy beaches and wonder at the alien character of Calvinist life. Old women will stand at bus stops, decked in their best hats and lace gloves, waiting for the bus to take them to the minister, who will tell them they are damned for ever.
Around the corner, will lie ancient ruins and hills begging to be walked upon. On them, you will encounter not a soul. On Sunday, nothing happens at all.
But if this sounds too remote, too isolated, then islands such as Skye can offer more, if it is needed, than perfect tranquillity. Beneath the imposing dominance of the Cuillin hills nestle decent restaurants, good hotels and nightlife consisting of more than just ceilidhs.
How to get there: Various companies offer package tours, but doing it independently is a better idea. EasyJet (0870 6 000 000) flies from Luton to Inverness from £95 inclu tax, BA (0845 7733377) flies from Gatwick for £120 inclu tax. From Inverness it is a three-hour, but very scenic, drive to Kyle, then it's across the recently constructed bridge to Skye (£11.30 return).
If getting there by boat is an essential, it's probably best to fly to Glasgow. From there, it's a four-hour drive to Mallaig through some of the most spectacular scenery in Scotland. The little port has fantastic seafood - though much of it is merely landed here before being flown on to Paris - so it would make a handy stop-over.
The Mallaig-Armadale ferry takes around 30 mins and costs from £26 per car plus £4.60 per adult, children half price. Details from the site of the Caledonian MacBrayne, or CalMac, ferry company or reservations (08705 650000).
Where to stay: If money is no object, the Three Chimneys and the House Over-By, near Dunvegan, (01470 511258), is the only place to stay. It is tiny - just six rooms - and utterly luxurious at £140 B&B for a double. Food in the restaurant is by far and away the best on the island. Similarly expensive at £100 B&B for a double, Kinloch Lodge, on the Sleat peninsula, (01471 833333), is the ancestral home of Lord and Lady Macdonald. In her spare time, Lady Claire writes cookbooks, so the food is as you would expect - but there's no choice.
The isolated Flodigarry, near Staffin, manages to be Scottish without too much tartanalia. The rooms are creaky but tasteful and the staff are extremely attentive. £110 B&B overnight, £90 if staying more than one night (01470 552203).
Where to eat: The Three Chimneys is the best restaurant on the island. A cheaper alternative is the Lochbay Seafood, near Dunvegan, (01470 592235). It looks more like someone's home than a restaurant, but the food is good and unpretentious - nearly all of it is landed locally.
In Portree, the tourist centre of the island, the best place to eat is the Harbour View. Not sophisticated, but fresh and, yet again, seafood.
What to do: The Cuillins may look inviting, but they are difficult and best left to experienced hill walkers. The local tourist office in Portree (01478 612137) can provide guides to easier walks.
Dunvegan castle offers romantic history in a superb setting, but at the height of the summer months it can get ridiculously busy. The grave of Flora Macdonald, Kilmuir, who helped Bonnie Prince Charlie escape the English, is worth a visit.
And if the copious coach tourists all get too much for you on Skye, it's easy to escape to Raasay, a haunting little island accessed by a short ferry crossing from Sconser.
How to get there: The best start is probably a flight to Glasgow on either British Airways from £108 return inclu tax. British Midland (0870 6070555) from £69.20 return inclu tax, EasyJet from £55 return inclu tax. Ryanair (0870 1569569), from £47.20 return inclu tax flies to Prestwick. From Glasgow it's a (very pretty) two-hour car ride to Oban. EasyJet offer car-hire deals from Glasgow from £9 a day. CalMac cross from Oban to Craignure, on Mull, up to eight times a day from £41 per car plus £5.90 per adult, children half-price.
A car is essential for these islands, but if you're planning to stay on Iona - a five-minute ferry ride from Fionnphort - you'll have to leave it on Mull because only locals are allowed cars on Iona.
Where to stay: Unless you're looking for a spiritual retreat, Mull is the better place. On Iona, however, the Argyll Hotel (01681 700334) has two cosy rooms and reasonable food, £86 B&B per night for a double. The best place to stay on Mull is undoubtedly the tranquil Killiechronan House (01680 300403, from £130 B&B per night for a double). It has only six rooms and the emphasis is definitely on comfort. More central is the imposing Western Isles Hotel (01688 302012, from £90 B&B for a double). Perched above the main town of Tobermory, it's the place to stay if you're looking for a bit of nightlife. The Tiroran House (01681 705232) is a good getaway.
Where to eat: The best food on the island is in the hotels - especially Killiechronan. But the Calgary Farmhouse (01688 400256, three-course meal £17-18 exclu wine ), next to the white sandy beach, has good home cooking and seafood landed by friends of the family. In Tobermory, the Back Brae (01688 302422, three-course meal £12.95 exclu wine ) also has good seafood ,as does the Anchorage (01688 302313, three-course meal £20 exclu wine). It's not sophisticated, but don't let appearances put you off.
What to do: If you're staying on Mull, then a trip to Iona is an essential. The best way is to combine it with a trip to Staffa - to see Fingal's cave, the inspiration for Mendelssohn's Hebridean overture, and the friendly colony of puffins. Gordon Grant Cruises (01681 700338) have morning and afternoon trips (to avoid the hordes on Iona, morning is usually best), price £12.50 till the end of October when operations cease due to the winter weather
There are plenty of walks round the island and the tourist board (01688 302182) can offer advice and maps. Calgary beach is great for soaking up any sun. The Mishnish, in Tobermory, is the best place for a drink.
The Treshnish isles are home to loads of different birds and Gordon Grant can arrange trips.
Finally, if you want to experience true castaway isolation, take the five minute ferry to Ulva. There are just over 20 inhabitants - and there is absolutely nothing to do but walk among the hills.
How to get there: If you're planning just a short break, the best way to get to Lewis and Harris - it's one island - is by plane to Stornoway. BA operates flights from Glasgow under the British Regional Airlines flag for £107.70 return inclu tax; and from Inverness and Edinburgh under the flag of Logan Air for, respectively, £80 and £111.10 return inclu tax. These flights can be booked on BA's reservations line (0845 7733377). The alternative to flying is to take a three-hour ferry from Ullapool to Stornoway.
Where to stay: Lewis, be warned, is not the hotel capital of Scotland. The Park Guest House in uninspiring Stornoway (01851 702485) offers basic accommodation in comfy rooms for £40 B&B a night per double. A Stornoway alternative is the Royal Hotel (01851 702109, £72 B&B for a double per night). It's not luxurious, but it is good value. A little further out - but with far superior accommodation - is the Baile-na-Cille in Uig (01851 672242, from £48 B&B for a double per night).
If island luxury is on the agenda, Harris makes a better choice than Lewis. For an awful lot less than a standard business hotel rate, you can stay in the gloriously isolated Ardvourlie Castle (01859 502307), £130 B&B, £180 B&B plus dinner for a double per night. It has great views over the loch, the food is good and the bathrooms are massive. There's also the Scarista House (01859 550238), £116 B&B for a double per night) which has very good food.
Where to eat: The hotels listed above all have restaurants open to non-residents but you will have to book. On Lewis, the best restaurant is probably the Bonaventure (01851 672474, £8.95 for three-courses without wine). It's a bit of a trek to get there, but the Franco-Scottish cooking makes it worth the effort. Tigh Mealros (01851 621333) is cheap at £12-14 for three courses (no licence but you can bring your own wine), and a refreshing break from some of the Puritanism that stalks the island.
On Harris, there is less choice and you're best bet is probably the hotels.
What to do: Lewis does not give up its charms easily, but the tourist office in Stornoway (01851 701818) will point you in the right direction. The landscape is flat and boggy and, to many, very depressing but it has some of the best beaches and clearest waters in the Hebrides. There is some good surfing to be had - and Stornoway Surf and Sports (0851 705862) is the place to go for advice. For the less adventurous, the standing stones at Callanish are among the best preserved in Britain. The tea room isn't bad either.
The more mountainous Harris has great beaches and fantastic walks. Details from the tourist office in Stornoway. Alternatively, get a pair of binoculars, look over to Taransay and gawp at the real castaways.
• Castaway 2000 restarts on BBC1 on Tuesday at 8pm.
