Milly, Milly, Milly,

What did I say about New Zealand? Didn't I say don't bother with it? Didn't I tell you it's nothing but wind and rain and hills full of bored looking sheep? And then you go and book a flight there. Are you nuts?

You've obviously fallen for the charms of that snake-in-the-grass Sam, and he's not letting on how wet and boring it all is. Why do you think the travel agent man had trouble getting you a flight? Why do you think no-one else wants to fly there? It might be something to do with there being nothing of any interest to do when you get there, or it could just be cos it's wet and cold for nine months of the year and you've just missed the other three.

Do youself a huge favour - even if you ain't gonna schlep over to Perth, for God's sake stay in Sydney for Mardi Gras rather than freeze in some shack in NZ. Really, one day you'll thank me for this.

Simon