Blame the vodka martinis. In Britain, I would have been getting ready for my mid-morning coffee. In New York, cocktail capital of the world, it was 5am and I was belting out "maybe it's because I'm a Londoner" in Central Park to the bemusement of early morning joggers.
At that point, I was on a search for pizza with an almost holy grail-like fervour. Then the rain started and the fervour died down, so instead of a crusty dough-based snack, I tottered towards the Upper West side, and ducked into a café to devour eggs benedict instead. At 6am, I tumbled into my hotel bed on 8th Avenue.
The Big Apple's a night-time town all right, but it has a lot more to offer than just food and drink. Sun down doesn't mean slow down. Bowling at 3am? Jazz at 4am? Work out at 5am? No problem. The consumer is king and, as long as you have a credit card handy, you can keep going right through till morning.
For the jet-lagged insomniac, here are a few suggestions of what to do in Manhattan once the last bar has chucked you out and the land of nod seems further away than the night bus to Camberwell. Just remember - vodka martinis: not big, not clever.
Bowling
3am. I'm ten-pin bowling to the sound of Tom Jones. The warbling Welshman comes care of a live DJ tucked just behind me. For the first time in my life I'm destroying the pins like a god. Yeah Tom, I am indeed a sex bomb. More beer equals more strikes, and luckily a trendy art-deco bar is just a stagger away from the lanes. Come all the way to New York and stay up this late to go bowling? Most definitely, if it's the Monday "lights out disco night" at Bowlmor Lanes in the East Village, open since 1938, but spruced up two years ago at a cost of $2m. For $17 you can bop and bowl between 10pm and 4am while DJ Ray spins everything from Grease to Britpop. There's a young, hip mixed crowd of club workers (for many, Monday's their night off) plus locals, students and a regular intake of models and celebs - we'd just missed Matt Damon apparently. The bowling ball and pins really do glow in the dark.
110 University Place, between 12th and 13th Streets tel 212-255 8188, www.bowlmor.com. Fitness
The great thing about a gym that's open 24 hours is that there are very few people around to see your bottom wobbling all over the step machine in the dead of night. In fact, when I was at Crunch (404 Lafayette St, tel 212-614 0120, www.crunch.com) there was no one else around. The price of $22 will allow you to use the state-of-the-art equipment. The cycle machines have a built-in web surfer, so not only can you check out the dot.coms but also e-mail your mates back home. Alternatively, why not go jogging? If the urge does grab you, you'll find fellow enthusiasts running round Central Park in the pitch black as early as 5am. For those who prefer to go in a group, a dawn fitness session at 6.30am is offered by New York Sports Club - call 212-860 8630 for details, or visit www.nysc.com
Food
Many restaurants are open late, but not many are open throughout the night. Florent in the Meatpacking district (trendy gentrification and designer chi-chi in one direction, run down, graffitied and rather grim in the other) is open 24 hours at the weekend and till 5am Mondays to Thursdays. Its night-time menu has staples such as eggs, bacon, toast and fries for around $5. Or, to clear the post-club hangover go for snails in garlic butter ($5.95), or duck mousse with port wine ($5.50). You'll find it at 69 Gansevoort Street, between Greenwich and Washington Streets (tel 212-989 5779).
For a true "Mom Pop and apple pie" diner, the Cheyenne at 33rd St and 9th Avenue (212-465 8750) is open around the clock. It's "Happy Days" minus Ralph and Potsie. As well as the usual breakfast fare, there are bagels with cream cheese and lox (sliced smoked salmon) for $8.25, or a half-pound bison burger and fries for $4.95. Service is quick and ever smiling.
If you really can't do without a kebab, go to the 24-hour Bereket on 187 East Houston Street at Orchard (212-475-7700).
Jazz
The aptly named Smalls in Greenwich Village (183 West 10th Street at 7th Avenue, tel 212-929 7565, www.smallsjazz.com) is an intimate basement joint, which opens at 10pm and only calls it a night the next morning at 8am. It's not full of big name stars, just people who love playing jazz and those who love to listen. Very cool. There's a cover charge of $10. No booze so bring your own, although they do serve juices and tea. A silently appreciative crowd of 15 people soaked up the 4am atmosphere when I was there on a Tuesday morning.
Night-time views
The last elevator goes up to the 86th floor observatory on the Empire State Building at 11.30pm, ($9 for adults), although it'll be a quick gawp as you have to be out by midnight. The view is great at any time but by night it's awesome (5th Avenue and 34th Street, tel 212-736 3100, www.esbnyc.com). You can celebrate your return to earth with a drink in the bar at street level.
For a classic picture-postcard view over the skyscrapers of lower Manhattan, spend $1.50 to take subway line 2 or 3 to Brooklyn Heights and head for Pierrepoint and Montague Streets. When night falls and the lights in the financial district come on, it's spectacular. If you are hungry, come back in a cab over either the Brooklyn or Manhattan bridges and make for either Chinatown or Little Italy.
For a bargain harbour cruise with great views thrown in, catch the Staten Island ferry from South Ferry Plaza at Battery Park (call 717-815 BOAT) - it runs hourly throughout the night and (are you reading this, Mr Livingstone?) it's free.
Ask a local
Stuck for ideas? Then let's face it, no one knows Noo York like a Noo Yorker. From $60 a hour plus service and transport (double at night) Beth Stone and Jan Hutkoff will guide your group eclectically and entertainingly round their home town, to your specifications or theirs. "Okay, let's go to Chinatown for tea, then look at the late JFK Jnr's apartment, check out that tattoo parlour on Canal Street, and I know a great Turkish restaurant," recommended Beth. You can go by Seinfeld's soup-nazi hangout, Fulton Street fish market, late night delis, the outer boroughs - anything, just name it. Call Signature Tours (212-517 4306).
Pool
The über-hip go to Chelsea Bar and Billiards at 54 West 21st Street (between 5th and 6th Avenues, tel 212-989 0096.) to get their pool fix. A classic, grungy, smoke-filled dive? Don't think so, sweetie. Newly renovated at a cost of $1.5m, it's open every night till 4am. As well as showing off your skills on the table, you can sip a vodka-tonic in a triangular glass (triangle - pool, get it?) and nibble on crab cakes or prawns with mango cocktail sauce (both $12). To hire a table for an hour costs $12.
Night court
I was told by a local that the public gallery of the Night Court (open Wednesday, Thursday, Friday all night, on other days till 1am) is a place where teenagers go for a cheap date. When I was there, necking teens from Queens seemed thin on the ground. "I just don't feel right, wallowing in other people's misery," said a friend. I agreed - for about a second. (It's not my fault. We're all Jerry Springer's children now.) Pushing open the doors to courtroom 130 and taking up my place on the tatty benches, it was like a downmarket Ally McBeal set. The judge looked bored, the lawyers had cheap suits and bad hair and the cops seemed to have scoffed the regulation amount of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. A man accused of assault appeared for five minutes before being led back to the cells, just visible through a back door. After half an hour of not an awful lot else, we left. "Come back on Sunday, it's busier," said the policeman manning the security scanner. (Criminal Court, 100 Centre Street, tel 212-374 5880.)
Going underground
The subway is supposed to be safe at night, but few New Yorkers feel comfortable about taking it late on. Stick to cabs - they're cheaper than London, too. In case you encounter problems, keep your receipt, which has the meter number on it, and call the taxi commission on 212-302 8294.
Safety at night
Let's face it, you can be unlucky or stupid anywhere in the world, and since mayor Rudy Giuliani's "zero tolerance" crackdown, New York's a safer place to be than most other US cities. Common sense is the guiding factor: only go down main well-lit streets, don't flaunt valuables, ask locals about the neighbourhood, and take taxis. In other words, all the precautions you'd take at home anyway. If the worst comes to the worst, dial 911 for the police, or the British Consulate (212-745 0200).
• Who flies where? Direct flights from the UK to the US
