So, the first couple of weeks organized, let my whistle-stop tour of Australia begin. Already I have seen and learnt so much it will be difficult to fit it all in. On Saturday, I was off at 6am for a day trip with Adventure Tours to Kakadu National Park in a four-wheel-drive bus. We made lots of stops on the way, to look at barammundi fish and a tall cathedral termite mound, and to take the Jumping Crocodile Cruise on the Adelaide River. Here, in the wet season,  the crocodiles stay in the water instead of basking on the river banks where tourists can see them. To tempt them nearer, lumps of meat are hung on rods from the boat. This is limited to three lumps per trip, and if the crocs miss or there are more than three about, it's tough luck, as the park rangers don't want them to become dependant on this food supply.

We were lucky enough to have four lumps, and a white sea eagle swooped down to take one in an awesome display of precision diving. Two crocs obligingly jumped  to take their prize, but the third seemed to be more interested in eyeballing me as I was poised with camera ready. It was not until the boatman shouted a warning that I realised my elbow was actually out of the window - you've never seen an arm move so fast. Andy, our tour leader, seemed to have eagle eyes despite the fact that he was driving - he suddenly would stop the bus and turn round to show us a fan lizard with perfect camouflage on a tree trunk, a dingo lurking in the spear grass and even an olive python about 3m long - even he was excited at spotting this.

We finally reached the Fogg Dam Conservation Reserve, an area made up of flooded wetlands which stretched as far as the eye could see and which were covered with an abundance of wading birds with all sorts of weird legs. After stopping at our overnight camp at Stuart Wilderness, we ventured into the soggy vine forest for a short walk - short partly because of the abundance of leeches and mosquitoes, but also because the skies suddenly opened in a torrential rain storm. We were all faced with a choice: run for shelter or get soaked while hosing down our feet and shoes to get rid of any leeches. The majority, me included, chose the latter.

While waiting for the rain to stop we met Kevin and Ricky, our two Aborigine guides. They took us on a bush walk, showing us the various trees used by the Aborigines for food, fuel and drawing materials, and the woolybark and stringybark used to make didgeridoos. Standing several hundred metres apart, they demonstrated how they communicated by sign language. It was really interesting and they answered all our questions with patience and humour. That evening they put on a show of Aborigine singing, dancing and didgeridoo.  I left the audience participation to the youngsters.

Next day we were up at 6am and into Kakadu, many parts of which are flooded and inaccessible. We went up to Nourlangie Rock to see the Aboriginal rock paintings and the Cultural Centre, which was beautifully laid out and fascinating, then on to Gubara for a 6km walk which ended with a lovely swim at a waterfall. I had expected little tents with primitive cooking facilities at the camp site, and was pleasantly surprised at how civilised it all was, with permanent tents, showers, a fridge in the big communal kitchen tent and a power point to recharge the camera.

There were 11 of us on the tour, all youngsters apart from me and an older Danish couple - a different type of traveller from those I had been meeting on the rest of my trip. These people were mostly just working/travelling/partying round Australia and New Zealand. There can't be many young people left in Ireland - they're all here.They all  happily did the walks in an assortment of skirts, bikini tops and flip-flops, but they were good fun and full of questions and enthusiasm for all we saw. In the evening we played 'two truths and a lie', where you each make three statements, and everyone else has to guess which was the lie. Few got mine right.
1) I was once kissed by Paul McCartney
2) I once went out with a boy called Bertie Clack
3) I once played cricket for Sussex Junior Ladies (answer at the end).
The next day involved more walking, stunning waterfalls and swimming in the Gimbat area. The most impressive waterfall was the Motorcar Falls. This area could only be reached by a four-wheel-drive as a couple of the roads were flooded and partially washed away. Several people tumbled out of their seats as we rock'n'rolled our way through - exciting stuff.

And so we finally arrived back in Darwin, tired and grubby, but happy. Tuesday was spent sleeping, washing clothes and emailing off the group photo to everyone on the trip. I also hired a bike for a couple of hours to explore Darwin. I cycled along the coast and found myself  at an extremely posh marina with luxury houses and yachts. I stopped for a beer, but nobody spoke to me. Maybe it was the hire bike, the scruffy shorts, the scabby knees (from a trip over Bali's unfinished pavements) or the plasters on my feet that gave me away as not belonging to the yachting set.

The Kakadu trip came with a free day at Litchfield National Park which I took up on Wednesday. Litchfield is much smaller and less rugged than Kakadu, but very beautiful. It was another good day with walks to Wangi and Toher Falls and swimming at Buley Hole and Florence Falls. Our picnic lunch was invaded by 94 tourists off a cruise ship. I have never seen so much surplus flesh, and so many fancy sunhats or video cameras concentrated in one group before.

And that was the end of my taste of  the 'top end' of Australia - different again from all I have seen before. I'm glad I was there in the wet season with all the lush vegetation and amazing variety of wildlife. Thanks to Rosy, Graham, Jake and Theresa, Mark and Corina for all the tips. I have done my best but have missed loads. I am getting used to this upside-down land, where you can't tell the tourists from the residents, where the beer is served in bottles with polystyrene cups round them, where the $1 coin is  bigger than the $2 one and everyone really does say 'no worries' in response to everything.  Could you tell a saltie from a freshie if you met one in a billabong? I can now. I am writing a day early as I am off on a six-day tour to Alice Springs and Ayres Rock at 5.30am tomorrow. I will  miss Sam, who I believe has just been there, but hope to meet up with Milly when I get to Sydney. I try to keep an eye on what they're up to, but time in net cafes is a bit hectic (I was in this one before 9am to catch their 'happy hour'). I'll be writing from Alice next week. If anyone has contact with my two sons will they tell them to write to their mother please - I haven't heard from either for a month!

PS Answer: I was never kissed by Paul McCartney - although I did get a peck on the cheek from his brother, when Scaffold (who remembers Lily the Pink?) came to one of my student May balls...