Somewhere special for the weekend? Oh, you might call it that. I call it keeping up with the Clintons.
Who? Dollar Bill? On a $300,000-a-night speaking tour were you? Sadly, no. But I did stay in a £700-a-night country house hotel he has stayed in.
Blimey. Win the lottery? Wouldn't have hurt, but it wasn't strictly necessary. Hartwell House in Buckinghamshire extends its gracious hospitality for as little as £235 a night for a double.
Hmmm. Pretty steep. What's the attraction? An over-the-top seventeenth-century stately home in 90 acres of landscaped gardens, with tennis courts,a luxury health spa and a swimming pool reminiscent of an imperial Roman bath. The biggest draw is Hartwell's illustrious history. Portraits of previously resident royalty and aristos line the walls. Its most famous was Louis XVIII, who spent part of his exile here with his drunken wife, Marie Josephine of Savoy, transplanting Versailles to the English countryside. It has a notable great staircase, flanked by curious carved Jacobean military figures. Mrs Louis XVIII found them so unnerving after a night on the cognac she ordered them to be removed.
A bit of a museum piece, is it? A couple of the rooms feel a bit over-egged, particularly the rococo-style morning-room, where the Queen Mother once took tea, whose ceiling drips with ornate plasterwork and glass chandeliers. The other drawing- rooms have more subdued lighting and comfortable sofas The sumptuous library is a favourite for pre-dinner drinks.
What about the bedrooms? Roomy and elegant, with fireplaces, some four-poster beds, oriental rugs, sofas and even in the basic rooms have window seats from which to admire the gardens.Oddly, the decadence seems to end in the bathrooms, where there is B&Q era cork tiling on the floors in all but the most expensive room.
What about the food? Excellent and all the more enjoyable in the relaxed grandeur of the Soane dining-room, based on a room in 11 Downing Street. But you may wish you had Gordon Brown's credit rating when the bill arrives: £46 for three courses plus coffee.
Fellow guests? Americans, well-heeled Middle England and, if you're lucky, some international jetsetters, attracted by the hotel's helicopter access. You may spot Kate Moss, Kylie Minogue, Geri Halliwell, Shirley Bassey, Uma Thurman or Sean Connery. Oh, and give my regards to Bill.
I hate to ask it, but what's the damage? Louis XVIII's rent was £500 a year for the entire pile, but things have moved on. Room rates range from £145 for a single to £700 for the Lee Suite, not including breakfast.
· Hartwell House, Oxford Road near Aylesbury, Buckinghamshire (01296 747444).
