Touring France in a space the size of my bathroom is one thing, but add two untidy males to the mix and it becomes quite another.
At the outset, I fell a little in love with our motorhome. It was surprisingly comfortable with a decent-sized wardrobe and a sweet little bathroom that looked like the latest Barbie accessory. The cocktail cabinet (presumably for all that after-dinner entertaining) had special slots to stop the bottles sliding around on the move and there were lots of clicky cupboards, a fridge that could accommodate wine bottles and cheese with ease, and a four-ring cooker, plus grill.
I quickly discovered that the huge advantage of a motorhome is being able to forget about suitcases and the agonising over what to leave behind. Hang those clothes in the wardrobe (no creases), plonk the toiletries in the bathroom, load up as many books as you can handle, then turn on the ignition and go.
Just before we entered the Channel tunnel, officials checked our gas canister to make sure it was switched off and we were waved on our way to France.
The campsite in St Omer was leafy, not far from Calais and the owner spoke perfect English. No sooner had we parked on our large pitch and hooked up the electricity, than the table was up, we were eating brie and baguettes, enjoying a bottle of wine and letting France seep in. I thought of previous camping adventures and the age it took to get everything sorted. Not so with the motorhome - it's the ultimate drive-in.
Much later, the 6ft teen was comfortably perched in the astronaut space above the front seats, privacy curtain tightly drawn, while we grabbed the firm bench beds beneath. I drifted off delighted in the knowledge that it was only a fairystep to the loo - albeit chemical - in the middle of the night.
Next morning, checking our journey plan, it became apparent I had overlooked how big France is when organising our stopovers. We spent the first proper day of our holiday trying (and failing) to drive 800 miles to Frejus in the south, at a steady 60mph. We got sick of driving, the teen was bored and by the time we got to Lyons, we could go no further. Consulting the Rough Guide, we trundled to a campsite on the outskirts of the city and parked up, before catching a cab into Lyons to watch the fireworks by the river and eat Papa Barbe (candyfloss) from a street seller.
Frejus, on the Cote d'Azur, was hot. Our campsite was woody, smelled of pine trees and, worryingly, brimmed with fit families playing badminton at 8am. Here, we hit a major hitch - our electricity cable wasn't compatible with the hook-up and there was no adaptor to hire. Thankfully, the motorhome is self-sufficient and can run off a domestic battery which recharged whenever we drove.
We spent three days relaxing and exploring St Maxime, St Raphael and, finally, St Tropez. The motorhome may be king in camping hierarchy, but we were banned from most public car parks. Oblivious, the husband drove straight through the sign on the quay at St Tropez then yelled for us to control three lanes of traffic while he did a 15-point turn. We eventually found a parking spot in a line of exiled motorhomes and walked around the pretty old town, excited to have made it this far under our own steam but wishing there was a Smart car tucked away in the beast's belly.
Stuck in one of the huge traffic jams that are a regular feature of this part of France, the motorhome came into its own. We pulled over at a nice bit of beach, turned the gas on, made a cup of tea, gorged on the pastries we'd bought in the boulangerie and the boys went snorkelling. There was no lugging heavy bags across sand or getting sunburnt because we'd forgotten the cream. We had room for everything we need. If it weren't illegal, I'd have stayed here all night.
The next leg of our tour to Les Ranchisses, in the hilly Ardeche, was arduous but the incentive of a five-day stay got us through. It was 32C when we arrived at an impressive campsite just outside the town of Largentiere. Sadly, we couldn't stay in our allotted pitch by the babbling river because the van was too big for the nearby overhanging trees. Instead, we settled near to the immaculate shower blocks and within minutes were chilling by one of the various pools, while the teen checked his email in the cafe.
We went canoeing and kayaking and became engrossed by boules. Every evening there was live entertainment and, even if it was a tad pub-singery, it created a lively holiday mood. There was a good on-site restaurant near the vineyard that doubled as a takeaway for lazy evenings. We hired cycles at €4 a day rather than driving the windy roads into town.
With two days left, we were all starting to feel a little stir-crazy. Bed time was the hardest - it doesn't matter how good the headphones, Eminem is still very audible at that level. Many times I dreamed of a tent so I could escape for just one night. And that may have also been the solution: bringing a friend along for the teen - they could have camped alongside under an awning.
As we made the long haul back to Calais, I suddenly realised this could be our last family holiday together as our son will soon want his own space. More than most breaks, it had its ups and downs, but this was an experience none of us would ever forget. We had travelled 1,990 miles as a team in just 11 days. Back home, I felt a wave of nostalgia for the motorhome. It had given us shelter, received a battering and not once let us down.
Way to go
Getting there: Alan Rogers Travel Service (01892 559898, alanrogers.com, with a searchable, regularly updated listing of 1,700 of Europe's best campsites) offers 12 nights at the following campsites in July, costing from £465 including a midweek Dover-Calais crossing: Camping Les Pins Parasols, Frejus, Cote d'Azur; Camping Les Ranchisses, Chassiers, Ardèche; Camping Chteau de L'Epervière, Gigny-sur-Saone, Burgundy; and Camping Chteau de Gandspette, Eperlecques, St Omer, Calais. The Motorhome Information Service (01444 458889, motorhomeinfo.co.uk) offers advice on rentals. The Swift Sundance cost £765 per week.
Further information: Maison de la France, 178 Piccadilly, London W1 (09068 244123, franceguide.com). Country code: 00 33. Time difference: +1hr. Ferry time: 90mins. £1= 1.37 euros.
Vintage summer
A hotel that always has a room with the perfect view, your favourite dinner menu each day and no staff banging on the door at noon, anxious to turf you out? Sounds unlikely but a camper van means you can wake up to all this.
Motorhome sales are booming in Britain, which is no surprise considering the benefits of being able to go on holiday with the comforts of your lounge, bedroom and even the kitchen sink in tow. You can find sanctuary down a deserted country lane and if somebody does disturb the peace, you can always move on.
Many modern camper vans can have all the visual appeal of a fridge on wheels, with the aerodynamics to match. However, our retro 'love bus' is almost 40 years old and is hired from the appropriately named 100% Slow. It's one of a growing number of firms renting out restored VW campers.
The good news is finding somewhere to stay the night in a camper is becoming easier as more site owners realise their popularity. Even the National Trust offers a limited number of camper and caravan parks around the country. One of the prettiest is at St Gabriels on the Golden Cap estate at Chideock in Dorset. It's basic even by camping standards with just a few mains water pipes hidden at the edge and no toilet facilities. If you want a shower you're in the wrong place - there's room here for just five vehicles in one vast field that drops gently away towards the 95-mile south-west coastal path. This part of the coast is officially a World Heritage Site, famed for fossils and dramatic cliffs.
There are few hotel rooms that can offer views like St Gabriels. You really can stumble out of bed in the morning, pack your swimming gear in a bag and meander down paths that always lead to the sea. The gentle curve of the beach towards Lyme Regis and Seatown is often hidden in a light sea mist at this, the best time of day, and the only disturbance is gulls using the updraft off the steep cliffs. It's a different story when the morning crowds flock in from their B&Bs.
Before salty goosebumps set in, it's a breathless dash up the slopes to start the kettle singing for tea. Our VW boasts two gas burners. While we couldn't quite match the smorgasbord offered by some establishments, is there any thing better than a fry-up in a field, with a blanket of buttercups to sit on? No wonder Jamie Oliver thinks these old VW buses are the business - the chef paid a fortune to have his own 1950s model converted into a holiday kitchen on wheels.
The sleeping arrangements are more than comfortable, unless you are particularly tall or of a wide girth. The only problem we found was the noises we weren't used to - and those we couldn't hear. There are few police sirens, car alarms and clubbers staggering home in this part of the world. Poke your head out of the door at 2am, and it's pitch black with just the odd owl keeping watch.
Of course, emptying a chemical toilet still sounds as appealing as visiting the loos at Glastonbury Festival but it's no worse than disposing of a nappy if the wind is blowing in the right direction. Most campers, even this ancient VW, are be equipped to take families of four.
What you get in return is the freedom of the road - on our jaunt, we checked out Thomas Hardy country around Dorchester, the beach at Swanage , the ruined Norman stronghold of Corfe Castle, Lulworth Cove and Durdle Door. Here it's possible to book in at well-equipped sites but finding a quiet corner in the summer months is difficult.
Costs are low in a camper van and it's down to you to create your own schedule. There's never a disappointing room and you can change the view as often as you like. JT
Where to hire: 100% Slow (01623 883422, 100percentslow.co.uk) offers classic VWs from £170 for a weekend. Campers2go, (01929 475619, campers2go.co.uk) has a similar selection or, for a more modern VW bus, Brooklands Motor Services (01623 428742, brooklands.sageweb.co.uk).
Where to stay: The National Trust offers a 26-page booklet entitled Camping & Caravan Sites 2003 - or log on to nationaltrust.org.uk for details. St Gabriels campsite at Chideock is run by the National Trust and booking is essential (01297 561900),£3 per adult per evening. Hounds Hill Farm, Hillbutts, Wimborne is also an NT site (01202 880749); Knitson Tourers' Site, Knitson Farm, Corfe Castle (01929 425121).
