Venice is for grown-ups. The received wisdom is that this sensuous, aqueous city is reserved for adults, especially those in the first or the final flush of romance. Certainly, there are plenty of young lovers wandering the labyrinth hand in hand, gazing longingly at each other and the even more alluring scenery. There's even more old ones who can finally afford to treat themselves to such a sumptuous trip, staying in the grand hotels, drinking a bellini in Harry's bar, or dining on a terrace overlooking the Grand canal. Venice is also rammed with culture Hoovers, sucking up the art and the architecture, rushing from gallery to basilica, to museum, and day trippers frantically cramming it all in. Let's face it; almost any time of year Venice is full of just about everybody except kids. Too expensive, too cultured, too cluttered, too boring for minors, this is strictly an adult playground. Well not according to our family it's not.
Ever since our youngest one was old enough to dispense with the push-chair, which is almost impossible to manoeuvre over all those bridges, a short break in Venezia has become an annual Elms family pilgrimage. We rent a tidy two-bedroom apartment on the Giudecca, buy a three-day bus pass and let the little ones revel in the wondrous weirdness of it all. They adore all the water, the boats and the islands and especially the high tides, when they can take off their shoes and splosh about. They love the food, the pasta and the pizza and the fact that Italians, even tourist weary Venetians, are so happy to see kids that they fuss over them and excuse them minor indiscretions. They actually like the tourist tat on sale in far too many shops, the little glass trinkets and mass produced masks, which now adorn their bedrooms back home. They don't even mind the occasional visit to a museum, providing you don't push them too far. Better just to relax and let this unique city wash over you.
Our clan consists of a girl of six, Maude, and one of 15, Alice, with nine-year-old Alfie wedged in the middle, so staying in an apartment is the key. It's far cheaper to rent a flat, than book two or three rooms in all but the most grotty of hostelries. But also by staying in an apartment, among locals, you get more of a sense that you are living in this special place for a few days, less pressure to spend every hour trudging the teeming streets. Being slightly away from it all, opposite the main island on the Giudecca, is also an advantage because it gives you a much-needed respite from the hordes. Life's a little less frantic here and a little less expensive as there are genuine amenities: reasonable local trattorias, bars, shops and ice-cream parlours and even a small playground with swings and things in a scruffy square. And every morning we wake up with excellent cappuccino and a view of St Mark's and Dorsodura over the way. You have to get a vaporetto across to the main island a couple of times a day, but unless they are on strike (again) the service is excellent; it only takes five minutes and the family never tire of the thrill of getting on board a bus which is a boat.
Being in a flat also means there's a kitchen to cook in, so you can go food shopping. The kids love running off to the local deli for prosciutto and pecorino, which helps keep down the undeniably horrific costs. Our chosen base also comes with a communal garden where Alfie can pull on his Italia shirt and kick a ball about, the little one can skip and the teenager can sunbathe and read. Vitally, the apartment also comes equipped with a TV and DVD, which means they can bring out their favourite movies and keep themselves content for a couple of hours.
But you don't come to Venice to stay indoors. Being out there among the floating magic is what matters, and what really matters to our mob is taking a boat taxi from the airport. My advice would be to get a gondola once in your life, eat in one of the ludicrously overpriced grand hotels once, sip a €10 beer or coffee in St Marks once, but every time you arrive in Venice get a boat taxi direct to your destination. For about €100, you avoid the crush and chaos of the Venetian public transport system toting bags after a wearying flight, and you get to feel like film stars as you are whisked across the lagoon in style with the wind in your hair and a smile of amazement on the faces of all the family. It immediately puts us in a good mood and lets them know that we're back.
They also like to explore other islands: watching glass blowing in Murano and lace making in Burano, walking in the back streets at night and trying to scare themselves silly with ghost stories and the idea that they are irretrievably lost. The young ones have taken to "fishing" with nets, hanging off our local fondamenta swishing about happily for tiddlers.
Alice, the 15 year old, is not so easily pleased. We do now have to take a friend along to keep her from pulling her fashionably fringed hair out, as there is admittedly very little in Venice for teenagers. Providing she has a mate to giggle with though, there are just about enough buff backpacking boys and apprentice gondoliers to keep them amused and they really like being able to go to St Mark's on their own at night and just hang out. Venice is a very safe city and the freedom it affords them is the main attraction. The fact that Alice can babysit one night for us, so that we have the freedom to pull on our gladrags and act like not so young lovers is reason enough to keep convincing her to come along. If you don't have your own built in babysitter, it can be arranged through an agency.
Alice also loves the Lido. Personally, I can do without this little strip of bad pizzerias, resort hotels and boutiques - which feels like a slightly shabby suburb of Miami - as it breaks the spell that Venice puts you under. The noisy cars and the neon bars make it seem so ordinary by comparison. But the kids love to wrap their costumes in a towel and jump on a number-one boat for the beach, to a wallow in the warm, calm, shallow (and only a little polluted) waters. Like everything else it isn't cheap, as you rent sunshades and beds and beach huts, but on a steaming day it does provide a cool antidote and there is a certain appeal to people watching. Most of your fellow bathers look like Nancy Dell 'Olio's even glitzier, leathery mother, and act like the desperate dowagers they probably are.
Back in the city, as the fierce sun thankfully fades and the evening begins to descend, it takes on that mysterious, slightly menacing air, oriental and otherworldly, its battered, sinking gems bathed in a soft pink halo. The daytrippers and the hawkers head home, the car-less quiet becomes even more intense and a kind of ageless serenity settles over the tangled, watery warren. This is the best time to just stroll and marvel, to loose yourselves in its folds, stopping maybe at an unannounced backstreet gelateria or even sneak a standing glass of wine from a tiny bar while the sprogs hang over bridges and don't quite fall in. At times, even the most ardently philistine of children are forced to admit that there is something very special about Venice. It is a theme park, but it's a real and a profoundly magical one, the ultimate one.
Way to go
Getting there: Eeasyjet flies to Venice from Gatwick from £50 rtn inc tax.
Where to stay: Robert Elms stayed in a privately owned apartment (call Landsley Ware on 020-7722 4761); it costs £120 a night for two, £150 for four. Interhome (020-8891 1294) rents two-bedroom flats from £258 for three nights. Italian Breaks (020-8660 0082) have one-bedroom apartments (sleeping 4) in the centre from £345 for three nights. Venetian Apartments (020-8878 1130) has more than 100 apartments in Venice and Giudecca. Two bedrooms from £500 for three nights or £700 for a week.
Further information: Italian Tourist Board (020-7408 1254).
Time difference: +1hr.
Country code: 0039.
Flight time London-Venice: 2hrs 10mins.
£1= 1.46 euros.
