Make sure to eat a light lunch before checking into The Mandeville, because you'll need to arrive with your appetite intact to make the best of your stay at this funkily luxurious Marylebone hotel. Two other things: fetch up between 3pm and 5pm and bring a hungry friend along, because this place serves the most delectable afternoon tea I've ever been lucky enough to nibble on.
Exhausted from the noise and clammy heat of central London, my friend Jan and I collapsed in somewhat crumpled fashion into the elegant armchairs and deep sofas of the deVille restaurant's gorgeously decorated lounge. Fushia pink, mole brown, mauve, magenta, silver, black and white all swirled and striped their way across the soft furnishings in startling cacophony. It was a setting that combined French boudoir chic with the icing-pink Disney fantasy world so beloved of little girls; a bit sugary at first glance, but somehow quite delightful once my eyes had managed to stop blinking.
As we sipped tea and pretended to be proper ladies, the hotel's über-cool bar next door was busy serving exceedingly glamorous cocktails, but there was no getting up from the sofas, as our mid-afternoon sweetie rations - known as the "Fashion Tea" - had just arrived on a delicate Zandra Rhodes tea service complete with an awfully proper three-tiered cake stand.
Luckily, everything came in pairs so there was no need to fight over who got the chocolate eclair or the green-and-silver-topped fairy cake. I'd planned a bit of hard-core shopping in the various fashion emporia of Marylebone High Street, but found I had to repair to my room for a post-tea recovery snooze.
Given that you'd pay £250 for the room I was in, I'd cavil a little at its smallish proportions, the lack of complimentary mineral water as standard (I only got some when I asked) and the teensy toiletries (admittedly from The White Company) proffered in the bathroom. Yes, the decor was tastefully designed in plum, cream and green, the bed was comfy and the service from the staff swift, professional and friendly, but it's something of a shock to realise quite how little physical bedroom-space hundreds of quid actually buys you for 24 hours in central London.
However, if you're going to be staying at the Mandeville, then you've likely got a bit of spare change, so I shan't bleat on. Glory in the startling colour combinations, luxuriate in the free broadband in the lobby (you'll pay for it in your room) and if you're not feeling flush - or don't have a generous expense account - then just turn up for tea and give the overpriced rooms a miss.
· The Mandeville Hotel, Mandeville Place, London W1U 2BE
A double room costs from £250, suites from £400 and breakfast costs from £15. The Fashion Tea is served from 3pm to 5.30pm and costs £22.50pp
More information: Mandeville Hotel; 020 7935 5599
