As we drove into Auckland from the airport at half-past five in the morning, I felt really quite overcome. Everything was simultaneously familiar, and different. The suburbs reminded me of Los Angeles - pretty wooden houses, bright-flowered gardens. The centre resembled Sydney - not as dramatic, but still sky-scrapered, water-bound and sparkling. We went for a walk as soon as we'd checked in, and ended up on K Road (full name: Karangahape Road - everyone calls it K Road). I thought of the boho parts of Notting Hill.
It was still very early. None of K Road's multifarious second-hand shops were open (the best are in St Kelvin's Arcade). But a couple of cafés had their doors ajar, some still serving from the night before. We breakfasted, American-style (they like their pancakes and eggs benedict in New Zealand), in a place called Brazil, next to a group of security guards and a couple of quite ludicrous middle-aged drag queens. K Road is littered with lady-boys d'un certain age , gamely sporting full slap and heels at all times of day. It's the kind of area that even the Rough Guide calls 'vibrant': meaning there's sex shops and gay clubs, trendy caffs and clubbers' boutiques, and, as in all 'vibrant' districts, a distinctly non-Caucasian community.
In New Zealand, in the North Island in particular, the Maoris make up a significant and formidable part of Kiwi culture. They came in 1200 AD, from Polynesia, making New Zealand the last major land mass on Earth to be settled by humans. Maoris are proud of their heritage - hence the intimidating Haka dance the All Blacks perform at every rugby match - and their riotous, live-life-to-the-full attitude is a contrast to the European descendants' slight inferiority complex. All New Zealanders are really friendly - quite astonishingly so, to a Brit - but among the white people, there's also a palpable sense of liberal self-doubt. They have none of the Australians' boorish confidence; New Zealand is quiet, sensitive Canada to Australia's brash United States.
Of course, to a quiet, sensitive Observer reader, this is all quite delightful. A country where they speak English and don't insist on bombasting you with their fantasticness! Where they get your sense of humour! And where - this is the best bit - you are a millionaire! The pound is very strong against the Kiwi dollar at the moment, so you can swan about to your heart's content.
Plus, no one tips, apparently. We didn't realise this for a couple of weeks, and couldn't understand why waiters and bar staff kept following us down the street, offering us their children and the like. We were national celebrities within days. Actually, that's not much of an exaggeration. Wear a funny hat and you make the front page round these parts. We had a running joke about, 'Cat still up tree' headlines; about a week into our holiday, we were watching the news when there was a five-minute item about just that.
Back to specifics. We spent a couple of weeks in Auckland, on and off, before setting off for a tour of both the North and South Islands. Despite Auckland's size, all the bits you want to see are pretty much within walking - or ferrying - distance. There's the Sky Tower, pointing hypodermic needle-like to the heavens from the centre of town. Locals think it's naff, but lunch in the rotating restaurant on a sunny day is a proper treat. As is a boat trip to Devonport, a chi-chi suburb across the water, or - even better - to Waiheke, a lush, hippy-esque island with lovely beaches.
Auckland's main shopping drag is Queen Street. For more unusual boutiques, try High Street, which runs parallel. Stella Greg stocks local designers; Touchstone does wonderful jewellery. There are plenty of great bars: Deschlers, in High Street, which boasts live jazz, fine cocktails and leather booths, is a good one, and there are a couple of lively, Seventies-look drinkeries at the junction of Queen Street and K Road.
For evening entertainment that doesn't involve quite so much alcohol (in New Zealand, a double is the preferred measure), try the Classic Comedy Club in Queen's Street. Complete with candles and table service, it's a refreshing reminder that stand-up doesn't have to be an on-stage battle between performer and packs of baying drunks. Oh, and it's got an excellent bar, too.
It can be hard to leave the laid-back yet lively delights of Auckland but once you make the effort, you're not disappointed. New Zealand boasts the most stunning scenery I've seen this side of Iceland. Most of the more dramatic delights are to be found in the South Island, but the North has its fair share of geographical eye-candy. North of Auckland you'll find the chic and pretty Bay of Islands area (Russell, small but perfectly formed, is the place to stay here), where you can boat-trip and cocktail-sip until you're blue and green in the face.
If you venture further north, you'll be rewarded by twisting, empty roads and dense, primeval foliage. Things get swampy. And at the very top is Ninety Mile Beach, a silver strip of sand that stretches off as far as you can see. You can drive on it, if you've got a four-wheel-drive. You're not meant to do this in a hire car, but they'll never know - unless you sink it (and this is more usual than you might like to hear).
Wellington, the capital, is in the South--west of the North Island. Smaller and more determindedly 'alternative' than Auckland (one resident told me, with some pride, that there were more body piercings per capita in Wellington than anywhere else in the country), it's also more self-conscious and, therefore, not so friendly.
There are lovely restaurants, mostly around Courtney Place. Cuba Street has the best bars - we liked Matterhorn - and Wellington was the only place where we actually had a dance, at Bodega, a smoky, down-home joint with funny funk DJs. Plus, Wellington boasts the unmissable Te Papa (Our Place), the Museum of New Zealand, with state-of-the-art architecture and international shows.
We didn't make it to Napier and the South- east, though you should, if you're looking for a sun-bunny break. We did go to the Coromandels, a wild peninsula not far from Auckland. Camping on Hot Water Beach, we got up at 5.30am to catch low tide. (Yes, this was an effort.) You dig a hole in the sand, and it fills up with water from beneath. It really is boiling: you have to scrape a channel to the sea to activate the 'cold tap'. And you have to dig a lot to make a bath. We settled for an early morning bidet.
But the highlight of a trip to the North Island is Rotorua, the 'Sulphur City', where even the shabbiest motel offers a spa bath. The ground bubbles with volcanic activity; just five days before we visited, a geyser erupted 20ft into the air near the town centre. We went to see the damage. The ground all around was petrified by volcanic ash. The trees had turned to soot and lace. And this was in the equivalent of your local park.
Rotorua is a town of contrasts: there are ridiculously formal gardens round the corner from a seething sulphur lake; and there is a living Maori village, where the villagers cook, wash and bathe in hot springs. Maori children swim in the river at the entrance to the village, diving for the pennies that holidaymakers chuck into the warm, welcoming water. 'Come back lady, come back mister,' they shout to the more generous. And you know, I think we just might.
March 4: Australia and New Zealand special
My mother and father of a journey Kathryn Flett samples the wild, open roads of her parents' nation, driving 1,400 kilometres through bush, peaks and plains where floods cover land the size of England.
Miles of style It's smart, chic - and home to Neighbours. Mike Bradley guides you around elegant Melbourne.
Sydney sensations Mike Bradley tastes five alternatives to city life.
Secrets of a sunshine city It's not just the breadth of a continent that separates Perth from the East coast. Mike Bradley tours the cosmopolitan capital of a state with blissful beaches, unique wildlife and Aboriginal culture.
Jump and jet ski - then sleep in a wagon Jacqui MacDermott gets a taste for adventure on South Island.
The lowdown on down under A practical guide to New Zealand and Australia.
