Want to stay in a cave? Of course you don't. Not if it's just a cave, a dark, damp thing with no central heating and a rock for a pillow. But if it comes with elegant décor, running hot water, room service and a bed so comfortable it's a shame to get up, then you might just be converted.
As holiday berths go, caves are the coming attraction. But here's the thing - the less like a cave it is, the more attractive it becomes. At least on the inside. Outside, you can't get enough of the craggy aspect, the vegetation springing out of the roof. But inside, well, you don't want to be sleeping with the bats.
At the Cave House Terrace in Urgup, Cappadocia, in south-western Anatolia, pretty much bang in the middle of Turkey, the balance is about right. Carved into the hillside, the series of rooms offers the genuine cave article, but comes with just the right mod-cons. 'Five-star caves' is the Cave House pitch. But this may give the wrong impression of too much slick luxury. No pedicures here, no business centre...
Instead, the Cave House has a nice flair for homely improvisation. So, arrive late at night, starving, as I did, and the staff will rustle up a bowl of lentil soup, a hunk of bread and a bottle of the local plonk. Ah, the wholesome joys of peasant life, I thought, as I sank between the freshly pressed sheets.
The Cappadocia region is Cave Central. If ever there were an Ideal Cave exhibition, there could only ever be the one venue. Wander down the Valley of Goreme and you'll see caves of all descriptions, rock-cut churches, monasteries, a hermit's hideaway and the fantastic 'pigeon houses' - mini cave hotels with vividly coloured windows to attract the feathered ones. The idea is - or was (most have now fallen into disuse) that the birds fly in and, sooner or later, do what they do best; every few months, the deposits are gathered to be used as prime fertiliser. Viewing pigeon houses carved into a cliff, looking like some new variant on loft living, you figure that never has so much ingenuity and craft been put into collecting bird droppings.
Cappadocia must possess one of the most peculiar landscapes in the world, fairytale strange, spooky at night. Tufa, a stone made of compressed volcanic ash, has covered the region for millions of years. The great virtue of tufa is that it's easily carved.
History interlude: for more than 1,000 years, the area was the largest monastic centre in the east, a Christian outpost. Many of those who visit Cappadocia - your classier sort of traveller; no kebabs-and-cheap-sunshine johnnies here, though the kebabs and, indeed, sunshine, are readily available - are keen to check out the Christian heritage. The fantastically well-informed guides, brimming with a new Turkish pride in the country's riches can and will (unless you tease them) point out 'all the 1,000 churches'. If you want the handy, concise introduction to the Christians in Cappadocia, the best place to visit is the Goreme open-air museum, now a United Nations world heritage site, a world of buildings, paths and tunnels carved out of the crags.
The fairground theme of Cappadocia continues with its underground cities; more than 30 have been discovered, and a handful can be visited. There seems to be no clear answer as to who built them but the cities, complete with elaborate, interconnecting tunnels, were occupied in the Middle Ages by Christians, for whom, evidently, getting away from things has long been a priority.
The underground cities apart, the best way to take in the full beauty of Cappadocia is via a hot-air balloon ride, an early-morning affair (we're talking 5am, the best time for optimum air currents.) Cappadocia, it emerges, is not only a mecca for cave lovers, it's where champion balloonists come to test their skills.
'It's not like in Britain,' said Mike, the pilot, an exiled Englishman. 'There, it's straight up and down. Here, well, we do things a bit different. You'll see.'
The difference is that after the straight-up thing, where you get to see the full extent of the fairy-tale landscape (the BBC's recent adaptation of Gormenghast could have saved on elaborate set designs by making a visit here; one of the Star Wars productions did make the trip), the balloon drops into the valleys. It swoops over the 'fairy chimneys' (the local name for the tall needles of stone, eroded into comical shapes) and brushes against apricot trees.
The trip is such a draw that among my fellow passengers are a couple of action photographers for whom the balloon ride is the main reason for visiting Cappadocia. A fantastic 90 minutes later, we're back on ground, enjoying the reward of a glass of champagne. Which is about as sybaritic as Cappadocia gets.
There was the promise of a pool table in one bar, and I even noticed a disco sheepishly advertising itself. But it's the sort of place where you come for the landscape, the peace, the history and, of course, the great Turkish food. Those who want something livelier thrown in too tend to combine their stay in Cappadocia with several days on the coast.
You also get the happy sense of being somewhere that is in the process of getting used to the incomers, still wondering if change is always a good thing. The guide enjoys showing us round, that's clear, but maybe, he says, he should make more of an effort to meet more of those five daily visits to the mosque required of a good Muslim.
And I get to sit in a bar in Urgup watching Sex and the City on TV, while chatting with locals about whether it's a good thing for women to work. My lame quip about it depending on how well they make the tea doesn't translate. In Turkey - in caves or otherwise - the men, it seems, make the best tea.
Wild living: Other cave hotels
Jamaica: Caves, Negril
Although you don't actually stay in a cave, this cluster of teepees, treehouses and private log cabins is set on a cliff with private caves below. If you're brave enough you can jump down to the ocean or take one of the step ladders climbing the cliff face to a series of caves with tables and chairs carved out of stone and the ocean lapping at your feet. Caribtours (020 7751 0660) has seven nights' in a suite in Caves hotel for £1,824 per person with full board, flights to Montego Bay and transfers by car.
Spain: Pedro Antonio de Alarcon Caves, Andalucia
Below the barren area north east of Granada overshadowed by the Sierra Nevada, a community of several hundred people lives underground. The Pedro Antonio de Alarcon Caves three-star aparthotel (0034 95866 4986) has centrally-heated rooms with hot water, televisions, phones and kitchens for 6,900 pesetas (about £25) for two.
Australia: Desert Cave Hotel, Coober Pedy
In the miles of red earth of central Australia, the opal mining town of Coober Pedy houses most of its population in underground dugouts. The Desert Cave Hotel (0061 8867 25688) claims to be the world's only underground four-star hotel. Rooms cost £62, underground or overground, and the hotel has a pool and gym.
France: Les Hautes Roches, Loire Valley
The only troglodyte hotel in France, Les Hautes Roches (0033 24752 8888) was converted from a monastery and stands against a backdrop of rock. It has 12 rooms underground and another three in the house for Ffr750 a night (about £75).
Tunisia: Hotel Marhala, Matmata
This cave was part of a fourth-century troglodyte village, but has been converted into a hotel. It has the added attraction of being close to the area filmed as Luke Skywalker's sunken desert home for Star Wars. Explore Worldwide (01252 760100) includes a one-night stay in the hotel on its two-week Ancient Carthage and Camel Safari trip, which costs £695, plus £80 in local fees.
Fact file
Robert Yates travelled with Tapestry Holidays (020 8235 7777) which offers a range of options to Cappadocia:
• a three-night/four-day trip to Cappadocia staying in the Cave House Terrace is £650.
• a seven-night trip to Turkey spending three nights in Cappadocia and four in Istanbul is £700.
• a 14-night trip to Turkey with three nights in Cappadocia and the rest on the coast on the Kas Peninsula is £1,050.
All prices are per person sharing a room and include return flights from Heathrow or Manchester via Istanbul, B&B, transfers and a guide for each day spent in Cappadocia.
A morning balloon ride costs £140.
