When I was 19 I had a plan. My friend Vanessa and I were going to buy a campervan and drive around Europe in our gap year. We'd burn rubber until the wheels dropped off, or the suspension gave way, whichever came first. We intended to give the suspension a particularly good workout.
The trip never happened, of course. Our lives went separate ways. I've done a lot of independent travel since then - I've journeyed by plane, train and camel; I've survived rush hour in Tokyo and happy hour in LA; I've eaten things I've never heard of in places I can't pronounce. But still, in the 10 years since adult reality kicked me in the teeth, I have not been able to shake the idea of that continental road trip out of my mind.
That's partly out of nostalgia for my rapidly fading youth, but also because Europe - my own geographical backyard - is largely unknown territory for me.
My experiences of Europe are limited to a few weeks' annual escapism on whichever part of the Med costs the least and the occasional weekend break courtesy of cheap airlines and flexitime. I guess this is where I should say something about EU enlargement and my burning desire to experience life in those nations whose destiny has become so closely linked with ours.
That would be a lie. Really, I just want to have as much fun as I possibly can in places I only know from spelling tests, before I get sucked into the mortgage trap and the concept of buying a van and driving it until it falls apart is gone forever, along with all my other lost dreams.
My route would follow the compass: a month each in north, east, south and west. I do have some specific questions to address en route. Have they finished building Berlin? Is Europe east of Prague really only populated by lumpen peasants with bad teeth? Does the experience of Amsterdam improve with age? And just how much fun is it possible to have with a Spanish waiter, a phrase book and a pair of pink shoes?
I'm eminently qualified for this. I have language skills: I can be rude in French, lost in German or drunk in Swedish, Dutch and Japanese. I can drive on the right. I'm a compulsive writer and promise to report on everything with total honesty and a keen sense of the absurd. During my last epic adventure my friends enjoyed my emails so much that that when I arrived home they begged me to go travelling again, just so I could write to them about it. At least that's the reason they gave me.
Let me cheer up your winter months with four months of vicarious entertainment sent from a camp campervan complete with cocktail cabinet and glitter ball. You'll make my friends happy and allow me to live my dream.
