You can keep your expensive eco-breaks. Why should I shell out a month's salary to jet off to another far-flung wilderness, smoke with shamans, commune with distant tribes, or doze off to the smell of grass hut - only to have it cruelly snatched back and replaced with a dreary baggage carousel?
Instead, I am buying my own forest. Forever. Not exactly where the deer and antelope roam, but Taldrum Wood, a lush slab of Welsh woodland near Llangadog some 15 miles from the Gower coast (the exact location is a secret - only owners receive directions).
My £50 has gone towards a green co-op, whereby I am allowed to wander at will amongst 12 acres containing 12,000 trees. Taldrum Wood is the brainchild of environmentalist Gary Moore, who set up this project when a city farm he worked on was turned into a car park.
"I bought this wood purely to preserve it," explained Gary. "There are other schemes of course, but this is unique in that every shareholder has absolute control over its destiny. Any change to the manifesto has to be agreed by all."
A well maintained lane runs from the south side of Taldrum. From here, small pathways cut through dense forest, leading to the stream. Mini waterfalls gurgle here and there. Taldrum's biodiversity includes 15 species of tree, including cherry, hazel, oak and ash. Badgers, owls and vole dart amongst them.
The concept seems to be catching on. Since Gary bought the wood on the internet a year ago, he says he is "chuffed to bits with the response". Dozens of nostalgic Welsh expats scattered around the colonies have already purchased shares via the enticing month old website woodsforall.org.
Others have discovered that preserving woodland is a romantic eco-gift. Chris Kelly, a youth worker from Cardiff, bought one share for his fiancee Natalie Whyatt. "I fell in love with the idea immediately," he says. "The wood is in the middle of nowhere, perfect to get away from it all. Who wants more horrible housing estates? We have taken friends' kids there to sit there to muck around a small campfire, build dams in the steam and admire the wildlife like the red kites (birds of prey).
"It's educational and peaceful. Plus, there are some lovely B&Bs and pubs nearby. We plan to make weekends of it," says Chris.
According to the Woodland Trust, a leading conservation charity, only a fragile 2-3% of the UK remains as mixed woodland. Local councils are under pressure to bow to developers anxious to convert more of our precious lungs into car parks or roads.
If you can't stand sharing your patch, go the whole hog and purchase an entire wood. This is remarkably simple with the help of websites like woodlands.co.uk, a directory for woodland ownership. For example, June Wood - a six-acre chestnut coppice in Kent - is on the market for £29,000. Others cost as little as £15,000.
The Great Outdoors
Friends of the Earth encourages supporters to donate online. Choose from 42,000 wildlife sites, or 350 special areas of conservation.
The Woodland Trust (0800 026 9650) runs the Woodland Creation Scheme to foster new native forests. Lifetime sponsorship of a 50m sq plot costs £90; select your favourite UK location.
English Nature is the government's wildlife agency. Volunteers are needed to get actively involved in protecting the thousands of sites around the countryside.
Future Woods charges £1,000 for life membership (three family members can accompany), entitling you to set up a canvas tent for up to four nights a year.
Do...
Ramble with your map
Camp under canvas
Forage for wild mushrooms
Take photographs
Hug a tree
Don't...
Take your dog
Build a treehouse
Take the ghetto blaster
Bring the motorbike
Shoot things
