Hell - as Jean-Paul Sartre nearly went on to say - is other people on your holiday. So, as cruise lines are now building ships with the capacity of small towns, it's hardly surprising that the people who never fancied a cruise holiday in the first place are being put off even more by the prospect.
But, although the mega-ships get all the hype, there are still plenty of a much more intimate size as well as cruises that visit the more offbeat corners of the world, well away from overcrowded Mediterranean and Caribbean. All have genuine appeal for people who would still maintain they really don't like cruising.
Seven days before the mast
Any yachtie - real or wannabe - will appreciate a trip on a Star Clippers ship. Two of them, Star Clipper and Star Flyer, are replicas of turn-of-the-20th century craft, while Royal Clipper, a recreation of the early 20th-century German Preussen, is the world's largest, and possibly most luxurious sailing ship.
On all three, passengers can become as involved as they like - from helping hoist sails to standing watch, or making the gut-wrenching climb to the crow's nest.
The five-masted, 228-passenger Royal Clipper has more mod cons - including some suites with private balconies - but the other two, with their fairly basic cabins and casual approach to meals and entertainment, will appeal more to the real yachting types.
Where to book: Star Clippers (01473 292229, starclippers.co.uk). A seven-night fly/cruise to Central America (Mexico, Honduras, Belize) on the 170-passenger Star Clipper this winter costs from £1,760 . Alternative option: Windstar (020-7940 4488, Windstar) operates four sail-assisted 148- to 308-passenger cruise ships which are more luxurious but a bit of a cheat for real yachties as the sails are computer controlled.
Over the top
Those who dream about enduring sub-zero temperatures and wind-chill factors, dodging polar bears and hurdling crevasses have benefited from one of the lesser-known side effects of the fall of the Soviet empire: the sudden emergence of fleets of icebreakers. Since 1991, Quark Expeditions has been operating some of them on ambitious journeys to the North Pole, Antarctica and the Northwest Passage. They have experienced Russian crew, expert guides and lecturers and space for about 100 passengers, who are taken on expeditions by Zodiac boats and helicopter.
Where to book: An 11-day Canadian Arctic cruise, departing Ottawa on August 28, including the birdlife-rich Baffin Island, costs US$5,650 (cruise only, excluding flights) with Quark (01494 464080, Quark). Alternative option: Abercrombie and Kent (0845 0700614, Abercrombie and Kent) has the 100-passenger Explorer, which was one of the first expedition cruise ships. Itineraries for 2002 include the Amazon, Antarctic and North Atlantic.
Going south
Orient Lines' Marco Polo is the largest ship to cruise in Antarctica. But the company has been careful to play by the environmental rules. The ship's normal capacity of 850 is reduced to about 600 and its fleet of 10 Zodiac boats never put more than 50 passengers ashore at a time. With every 20 is one field guide - all under the supervision of naturalist Nigel Sitwell. Among the guest lecturers this winter is Peter Hillary who, like his father Sir Edmund, has trekked to the South Pole.
Where to book: A 13-night fly/cruise to Antarctica, including two days in Buenos Aires en route, in January 2003 costs from £3,350 with Orient Lines (020-7959 5900). Alternative option: Travelbag (0870 9020170, Travelbag) packages the nine-night Antarctic cruises of the smaller (110 passengers) Peregrine Mariner.
Deep south
Middle America-targeted cruise ships have mostly missed out on the US south. With its small (212 passengers) classy ships, Seabourn Cruise Line is one of the few to come calling. And because the locals don't see many ships, passengers are seen as a novelty, not a nuisance.
When you visit cities such as Savannah or Charleston, memories of the civil war are never far away. Savannah is full of London-like squares and other green spaces while Charleston has a beautifully preserved historic district full of stunning architecture.
Where to book: A two-week Colonial Breezes fly/ cruise, stopping at New York, Rhode Island, Philadelphia, Yorktown (Virginia), Charleston, Savannah, Florida and the Bahamas costs from £5,654 with Seabourn Cruise Line (0800 0523841, Seabourn Cruise Line) this October. Alternatively, book early for a similar cruise in October 2003, which currently costs from £4,745pp. Alternative option: Silversea Cruises (0870 3337030, Silversea Cruises) also offers Colonial America cruises for similar prices on ships ranging from 296-396 passengers.
Swanning about
Regular passengers on Swan Hellenic services, known as "Swans", are not too interested in comfort - they don't go cruising for the pampering and the shopping opportunities but to experience and learn about new places and cultures. Every cruise has four lecturers on board, and ports of call are way off the usual cruise runs. The 350-passenger Minerva cruises worldwide year-round but Eastern Mediterranean calls such as Greece, Syria and Libya are the Swans' favourite stamping ground.
Where to book: Minerva makes a 15-day fly/cruise in October, with calls in Turkey, Greece, Italy, Tunisia, Libya, Egypt and Cyprus. Prices from £3,255 with Swan Hellenic (0845 3555111, Swan Hellenic). Lecturers include former UK ambassador to Algeria and Libyan resident, Sir Alan Munro. Alternative option: Voyages of Discovery (01444 462150, Voyages of Discovery) has equally offbeat itineraries and an equal aversion to traditional cruise entertainment. But prices are lower, and on-board style is a little less worthy than among the Swans.
French for cruise beginners
From the outside, Le Levant looks just like a millionaire's yacht and, with a maximum of 90 passengers, there is a genuine house-party feel inside, too. She is one of two ships operated by a small French line (Compagnie des Iles du Ponant) but while the other, Le Ponant, concentrates on standard Mediterranean and Caribbean cruises, Le Levant is much more ambitious with South American (Orinoco) and US Great Lakes itineraries.
Where to book: On August 30, Le Levant begins a cruise of the US Great Lakes between Toronto and Chicago. A nine-night fly/cruise costs from £3,910 with The Cruise Portfolio (020-7434 0089, The Cruise Portfolio). Alternative option: There's a houseparty feel, too, but with a British rather than a French flavour, on board Hebridean Princess, operated among the Scottish Islands by Hebridean Island Cruises (01756 704704, Hebridean Island Cruises).
Slow boat in China
There is a one kind of cruise which is guaranteed to be free of seasickness. And this isn't the only reason that river cruises have a completely different atmosphere to ocean cruises. Much more time is spent on land, for a start. The hottest river cruise at the moment is China's Yangtse, simply because time is running out to see its most spectacular sight: the Three Gorges. The construction of a dam means the first stage of flooding will take place next year.
Where to book: Until November, Travel Renaissance (01372 744455, Travel Renaissance) offers 13 days in China, including a five-day Yangtse cruise on a modern Victoria Cruises riverboat (100-200 passengers) from £3,695pp. Alternative option: Swan Hellenic (0845 3555111 Swan Hellenic) operates river cruises on the Nile, Danube and Main.
Around the Horn
Ships such as Princess Cruises' 1,200-passenger Royal Princess now spend the winter cruising between Buenos Aires and Valparaiso, which involves a trip around Cape Horn. Even during the southern hemisphere's summer, the winds blow hard, so after going past the Cape, the ships turn north into the sheltered waters around Ushuaia on Tierra del Fuego. From there, there is a calm and scenic passage through the Chilean fjords and glaciers to the west coast.
Where to book: The Royal Princess cruises between Buenos Aires and Valparaiso, calling at the Falklands, between January and April, 2003. Prices start from £2,722pp (including early booking discount) with Princess Cruises (0845 3555800, Princess Cruises).
Alternative option: Celebrity Cruises (0800 0182525, Celebrity Cruises) will operate similar round-the-Horn cruises on the 1,300-passenger Zenith next winter. Several of these have the added attraction of starting or finishing in Rio.
Room at the top
Norwegian Cruise Line's new vessel Norwegian Star, which made her maiden cruise last November, looks much like all the other mega-ships currently rolling off the shipyard conveyor belts. But there is one unique feature which might just appeal to people who don't like cruising right at the top of the ship, there are two garden villas, offering complete privacy. Above each suite (bedroom, bathroom, living room, dining room) and private balcony is an equally private garden terrace. The villas sleep up to six.
Where to book: Norwegian Star cruises year round in the Hawaiian islands. A 10-night fly/cruise in a garden villa (double occupancy) costs from £6,656pp with NCL (0800 181560, NCL). Alternative option: The 700-passenger Seven Seas Mariner is the newest ship in the fleet for Radisson Seven Seas Cruises (0238 0682280, Radisson Seven Seas Cruises), and is the first in the world to have all accommodation as suites with private balcony.
Adults only
The prospect of spending a holiday surrounded by other people's children is a major turn-off for many people, which is why P&O is converting its Arcadia into an adults-only cruise liner. The children's playroom is being ripped out and replaced by an intimate restaurant for dinners a deux .
Where to book: A one-week Arcadia cruise from Southampton to Lisbon in October costs from £1,049 with P&O Cruises (0845 3555333, P &O Cruises). The newer Adonia will also be going the adults-only route next year. Alternative option: It's not just children that Saga (0800 505030, Saga) bans from its cruises. Those booking have to be 50 and any partners/ companions at least 40.
Younger ideas
Ocean Village is catering for people who want a cruise holiday but without the traditional cruise baggage. Aimed 35-50 year olds, the focus is on sports and activities. The ship has an ocean-view gym, holistic spa treatments, yoga, cookery classes and a fleet of mountain bikes on board with which to explore each destination. Other activities include jeep safaris, abseiling, camel and horse riding, scuba diving and jet skiing.
Where to book: Ocean Village (0845 4567888, Ocean Village) offers a week's fly/cruise departing Palma, Majorca and visiting six European and North African destinations from £549. Two weeks visiting 11 destinations from £853, or a week's cruise and a week in an Ocean Village resort in Majorca from £658. The summer 2003 brochure is now available (with a 30% discount if booked by August 31).
