Over the past couple of years my spending on well-being has been on par with my spending on booze: iridologist, homoeopathist, chakra cleaner, purveyor of fine and unbelievably expensive herbal remedies, astrology "master", hypnotist (still smoking) and a bloke who lives two doors up who is friends with the angel world.

So you see, there's a lot of health and soul aspiration in me. Problem is I, like most, am a girl of polar opposites. I'm either downing a fourth pint or overdosing on Bach Flower Remedies, sewing up the seams on impossibly tight jeans or the seams on my new yoga leggings.

So I'd go in search of physical and spiritual balance. Luckily for me there are loads of places to go: Austrian hay baths; Croatian/Hungarian thermal pools; Indian/Sri Lankan ayurverdic gurus, beaches and big cats; Himalayan trekking/simplicity; cosmic northern lights; Canadian wilderness; African medicine men; conventional Caribbean chilling. And whatever else I can research or find ...dolphins hopefully.

Thailand colon cleansing has got to be on the list. Last year's attempt at seven days without eating, drinking (alcohol) or smoking seemed easy. Until the tapeworm reared its ugly head ... A friend and I felt strong enough to go to the internet shop in town. The shiny lights of 7-11 beckoned.

We spent 20 minutes handling food, first cakes and biscuits then crisps and nuts, finally the fridge ... both of us fighting the urge to buy and eat anything. My friend whispering "you're bad, you're bad" in my ear, the Thai sales assistant overhearing and keen to show us that the food was not bad but actually good, followed us around the store pointing out all the sell by dates. Like we cared. We left the shop, strong willed, telling ourselves it was only the worms and if we couldn't make it through to at least day four we were a disgrace.

What happened next is a bit of a blur. Crumbs, nuts and icing were involved. Ten mini munchkin doughnuts. The worm was insatiable. One Mars bar, One Snickers and three packets of crisps later we were feeling very humble and a bit thirsty.

We sneaked back into our sanctuary just in time for a lecture on good fats, beans and seeds feeling a little bit bad but also a little bit good that we had got a way with it. Later that evening when everyone had gone to bed my mate said to me in a sad little voice "we are only fooling ourselves".

I'll report on my search for twentysomething sprightliness with honesty. I'll test out what life giving powers the world has to offer for the budget conscious and for those who like to splurge (I do). Ctrl. Alt. Esc. Reboot.