There's a naked woman dancing in reception, a dead sheep in the bath of the penthouse suite, and a couple having sex in the honour bar. The sleep-deprived reception staff are fuelled by Pro Plus, nicotine and vodka and the concierge is procuring 'extra pillows' (a euphemism for prostitutes) for a Texan oil baron. Welcome to Hotel Babylon.
Just as Anthony Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential lifted the lid on the behind-the-scenes antics in top restaurants, a new book out this week will do the same for London's Park Lane palaces. Written by Imogen Edwards-Jones and 'Anonymous', the manager of a five-star London hotel, Hotel Babylon shines a light on the less glamorous aspects of the hospitality industry.
There's lots of salacious celebrity gossip (Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee caught on film having sex in the gym at the Lanesborough, for example) but perhaps the most shocking aspect of the book is the difference between life above and below stairs.
While the gilt-encrusted dining room smells of 'red wine, truffle oil, roast beef', the dingy basement staff canteen smells of 'onions, sweat and high tar cigarettes'. In this invisible world, illegal workers paid the minimum wage catch 40 winks in toilet cubicles, kitchen staff are bullied and made to stand on hot stoves, while Rentokil agents battle to keep the rat and cockroach population under control.
In this, hotels resemble nothing so much as theatres, with a team of 'backstage' staff frantically trying to create the illusion of effortless glamour. Just occasionally, though, we spot the stagehand moving the scenery and the illusion is momentarily shattered.
I recently checked out of a trendy new boutique hotel in Brighton after a relaxing stay, only to find the receptionist sobbing down the telephone to her boss about how tired she was, and how she didn't see it as part of her job to clean bedrooms and serve breakfast. The scene seemed strangely at odds with a hotel where rooms were given names such as Zen and Pebble.
Many hotel workers are among the lowest paid in the country - a chambermaid on £4.50 an hour, for example, would have to work for four months to make what most of these hotels spend a week on their flower arrangements. When people talk about exploitation in the tourism industry they always assume it's happening in some far-off developing country.
Dazzled by the chandeliers and sparkling brass buttons of the doormen, it's easy to forget that it's happening right under our noses.
