A friend of mine wisely insists it's better to travel alone than badly accompanied. She's talking about the journey through life, I suspect, but the 2003 ABTA Travelspirit Solo Traveller Survey shows that 78 per cent of us would be happy literally to travel alone. Furthermore, 65 per cent of this lot are women. And I'm among them.

Over the years, I've set off every July or August with friends, family or my boyfriend Chris in search of the perfect vacation. Lately, however, I've taken to travelling unchaperoned. Being at the airport without anyone to share my excitement seems a little strange, but once I'm on my way, I have a whale of a time. I enjoy the delights of my trip untroubled by the tense scenes which can arise from holidaying with others.

The most recent of these 'special moments' occurred on an otherwise magical trip to India with Chris. We got as far as the final Gatwick checkpoint before security guards discovered a Swiss army knife in Chris's hand luggage.

I was cheerily boarding the plane, oblivious to the fact he was carrying a dangerous weapon, when I heard shouting behind me. I swivelled around to see Chris refusing to hand over his precious knife, a 21st birthday present which, he insisted, was 'invaluable' for the journey.

We were escorted back to passport control so he could complete a form ensuring he'd get the beloved gift returned to him in the post. The guards explained that he might be heftily fined or even imprisoned, while Chris instructed me to 'go back and hold the plane', as if it were a simple matter of flagging down the 38 bus. We caught the flight by the skin of our teeth, and I was too exhausted to reprimand him, but longed to sit elsewhere to avoid a major row.

'Most holiday arguments between couples occur in the travelling phase of a holiday simply because travelling brings out the worst behaviour in the majority of us,' says author Anita Naik, whose latest book is entitled Travel Calm: Secrets for Stress-Free Travel. 'Being in close proximity to a variety of different people, most of whom you wouldn't choose to sit next to in the cinema, brings out prejudices you can usually pretend don't exist in yourself and your partner.

'Combine this with a seat pitch of around 28in, a loss of control [someone telling you when to eat, get up, sit down and generally behave], plus the prospect of five more hours of this hell, and you're guaranteed to not be speaking within two hours of taking off.'

Anita recommends you try to avoid each other while actually travelling: 'Survival options - and insurance that you'll actually have a relaxing holiday once you get there - are to either fly out separately so neither of you witnesses the other's appalling behaviour, or request seats that are at least an aisle-width apart.

'Headphones, sunglasses, eye masks and a book are also good avoidance tactics, as is a sleeping pill. Above all, always make sure one of you has an aisle seat for easy escape. Being trapped together by the window with a sleeping person on the outside of you will definitely not a good holiday make.'

Neither, from my experience, does bringing an existing feud along with you for the ride. Last summer, Chris and I headed for Andalucia to make up after a month of rowing. Instead, our sun-kissed break nearly broke our relationship altogether.

He scowled all the way to our hillside hideaway, where it was my turn to be childish and refuse to speak.

I sulked around the local fiesta and cried my eyes out in the main square while less-troubled couples danced under the stars. Chris apologised for his part in the sorry saga, but that didn't stop me picking on him all the way to the airport. As we stormily took our seats, he threw the ring I had given him right across the aisle, to land at the feet of a bemused passenger. After a silent journey, we went through customs separately but bumped into each other at the carousel, where Chris made it clear he never wanted to see me again, using language which caused heads to turn. Luckily we made up, but in retrospect, the trip was doomed from the start. We had expected it to sort out our relationship difficulties, but it had only augmented them.

'People put so much expectation on a holiday,' says Dr Janet Reibstein, a psychologist from Exeter University whose book about happy relationships is published by Bloomsbury shortly. 'They treat it as a cure-all, but it's only a holiday. We need to scale down that expectation and not load so much on to one trip. It can seem like the final straw if something goes wrong.'

Because, the skewed logic goes, if you can't make it work on holiday, when will it work? 'It's important to discuss holiday expectations beforehand. You may have different agendas. One person may like mountain climbing, the other diving. Your trip needs to accommodate both. You should find out the actual point of the trip before you go, and try to fulfil that need for both of you.'

David and Maggie recently came to blows on a summer camping holiday with their two daughters over precisely this. David ran the Calor Gas catering with the precision of an army general in the jungle, while Maggie preferred cracking open the wine and getting fish and chips. The girls sided with her and refused to help, so David picked up the tent in desperation and hurled it across the campsite. He drove off at top speed, leaving them without even a box of matches to light the campfire. Of course he came back, but this year they're staying in a hotel. 'Cooking on a tiny flame might be some big adventure for him,' says Maggie, 'but for me it's even worse than being at home.'

'If you want a complete break, don't self-cater,' advises Dr Reibstein. 'Or at least make cooking part of the pleasure - visit the local fish market, then take it in turns to barbecue.'

Or compromise. One couple I know agree to stay in a caravan one week and a smart hotel the next, so both partners can enjoy their preferences. 'Plan the trip together,' Dr Reibstein says. 'The main organiser (often the woman) must consult the other and offer them some sort of control. This should avoid the organiser feeling upset if the companion complains the holiday's not right.'

Phew! All this bargaining and compromising begins to seem like hard work. Maybe it's better to sit in a deck chair at home and order pizzas. 'Take holidays away from your life and see how it feels,' warns Dr Reibstein. 'We need them as a breathing space and to build a bank of happy memories.'

'Like the time in Suffolk you threw a fork at my dad,' Chris's daughter Scarlet cheerfully reminds me. Oh well. One holiday she'll never forget.

· Travel Calm by Anita Naik is published by Piatkus (£4.99). Jane Lovatt is travel editor of Prima magazine.