Mon dieu, il n'y a rien comme Brum en Décembre! Elles sont pas nombreuses au monde, les villes qui offrent à ses touristes et ses habitants des bijoux comme le Carrefour de Ptes et l'Anneau du Taureau. Ah, c'est vachement merveilleux! You're not wrong, mate. I'm a big fan of Spaghetti Junction, the Bullring and all things Brum myself. But what's with the French?

On peut parler en franglais, si tu préfères. S'il vous please.

The raison we are speaking like zis is parce que le Birmingham has imported a très beau Ferris wheel from Paris for ze Christmas period, but it has un petit technical problème. Oh là là! Mais qu'est-ce que c'est?

Ze wheel... I can't do this any more, I'm sorry. The wheel - 300 tonnes of precision engineering - looks great but somebody has forgotten to change the commentary. Instead of giving visitors the lowdown on Brum and its environs, the tape gabbles on about the Arc de Triomphe, Notre Dame and the Eiffel Tower. Sacré bleu! I can see how that would be un peu embarrassant.

Ca suffit pour le franglais! Pardon... er... sorry. What does the council have to say?

"[It's] disappointing, as there are so many great things to say about our city." Good point. So are they going to change the commentary, then?

Pas du tout. Despite (or perhaps because of) its geographical inaccuracies, Birmingham's francophone Ferris wheel has proved a spectacular hit with more than 24,000 visitors since it opened last month.

Do say: Thank God for closer European ties. Maybe there's hope for our abysmal language skills yet.

Don't say: If you really crane your neck, you can just make out Blackpool. Or would that be the Eiffel tower?