Why? I spent last summer and the summer before in Florence, with my partner Jeremy. We stayed with a lecturer friend who had a house there. Each trip, we went off to Venice for a weekend and stayed on the left bank. The first year, we had a small hotel on the Grand Canal and a room with a window level with the water, which looks like green milk. It became the competition in the morning to make as many people as possible wave back at us from the passing vaporetti .

The best thing: The cheap local wine. It struck me as a really cheap place, which is what you never hear about Venice. The small cafés served local pink wine for 10p a glass.

My perfect day: Breakfast in a bar - with fantastic sandwiches, coffee and pink wine. Then a visit to a Catholic church to light as many candles as possible. It's not about religion - although there's always a chance it could bring some good - simply the challenge of lighting the most. No day would be complete without a stroll through touristy St Mark's Square, listening to orchestras playing crappy things like We Are the Champions or the theme from Titanic.

My advice: Stay on the left bank and take the boat down the Grand Canal. Then just sit around. We made the mistake of walking too much and it's quite tiring. We also got lost all the time - and everyone should make sure they do get lost at least once since it's quite scary. There are some very sinister alleyways there, and you start looking for somebody in a red anorak like in the film Don't Look Now.

How to get there: British Airways (0845 7733377) flies Gatwick to Venice three times a day, from £169 return.

Paul Magrs's latest book, All The Rage, a satire of life in the naffer side of the music business, is published by Allison & Busby at £9.99.