Oh, sigh! Charter airlines are planning to dress up like their 'low-cost' rivals in a bid to claw back customers who are booking DIY holidays with successful carriers such as Ryanair, Buzz, EasyJet and Go.
We all know the basic concept of the true low-cost airlines. They use off-the-beaten-track airports with low landing and take-off fees, rather than expensive ones like Heathrow. They don't serve hot meals - there's a trolley with a few fresh sandwiches and coffee which you pay for. They don't issue tickets because they are expensive to administer, send out and process. All this means lower prices than if you went on a normal, full-service scheduled airline, and often a better choice of flight times than on a charter flight.
But now charter operators Thomson and Mytravel (formerly Airtours) are fighting back. Both announced initiatives last week which they claim will give punters services similar to those of the low-cost airlines. So when you buy a package holiday from Thomson next year, the hotel and basic flight will be included in the so-called package - but, wait for it, some elements you normally associate with a package will cost extra.
While the basic package price will stay the same as this year, some elements will be stripped out and added only at extra charges. For example, the coach transfers from airport to the hotel will cost between £5 and £10 per person. (It doesn't take a genius to work out that for four people in many places, it would be quicker and cheaper to get a cab). The hot meal on the plane will be £10 for adults, £5 for children for the round trip and the option to pre-book your seat will cost another £10 for adults and £5 for children.
Hold on a minute. Who wants a hot meal on dozens of little environmentally unfriendly plastic trays on a two-hour flight to Mallorca? Would you pay £30 for that rubbish for a family of two adults and two kids when you could pack your own sarnies, or buy some from M&S? Or if you really want a hot meal, you could pop into one of the food outlets in airports such as Gatwick.
And why are they offering hot meals at all? Surely it would cut the cost of the entire flight for the whole family if they scrapped them on short-haul flights, saving loading and unloading time, energy heating the stupid things and the stress of the cabin staff serving it all.
But no, I've missed the point. That would mean Thomson wouldn't be able to squeeze as much lolly out of its customers.
Mytravel said that later this year it plans to repackage its charter airline into a so-called low-cost one by offering mix-and-match one-way fares, rather than fixed return fares for seven- and 14-night stays.
All I can say to these companies is: do you think your customers were born yesterday?
OK, we're not forced to eat these sloppy, tasteless meals in plastic containers. And we don't have to sit next to our family - it would just be nice. As Thomson says, it is the customers' 'choice'.
Just cut out the admin of the tickets, scrap the tired hot meals and improve your delay record, and then name a value-for-money price. You can't dress mutton as lamb, and then charge extra for it.
