Despite the glories of its climate, relaxing airports and friendly natives, Britain has achieved just five positions in a survey of the 100 best travel destinations in the world - with Bath in highest place at number 14.
Edinburgh was next at 27, followed by York in 54th place, Stratford-upon-Avon at 67, and London at an inglorious 84.
Some of the British cities did better in a separate poll of the top 25 destinations in Europe, where Bath came in fourth - described by one visitor as "a wonderful place to visit, like a free open-air museum"; Edinburgh - which "reflects both the proud past and vibrant present of the people" - 10th; and York and Stratford at 19 and 25. London failed to make that list.
London reviews were full of groans about prices and surly locals. One of the few flattering reviewers says he stays in "a very affordable B&B" in Chiswick, which he feels is a safe area: "I've been on the High Road after midnight many times without feeling threatened."
The list was compiled from reviews, recommendations and most popular hits of the famously nitpicking users of the travel website TripAdvisor.co.uk, regularly thrown into spasms of rage over missing curtain rings and dripping taps.
On the site one traveller claims that the bathroom in one of the most expensive hotels in Bath was so grubby - "not the sort of dirt that required a good clean, this was just years and years of neglect" - that his wife decided not to risk having a bath at all.
Milford Sound in New Zealand was voted the world's top destination, followed by Queenstown in New Zealand. The Greek island of Rhodes was deemed the best in Europe.
"What the destinations have in common is a 'something special' that makes them truly exceptional in the eyes of travellers around the world," said TripAdvisor's European communications manager, Ian Rumgay.
Robin Bishcert, head of Bath Tourism, said: "We are extremely pleased with the TripAdvisor awards, based on real people's reviews, which show that Bath is a unique place to visit and ... a city that competes with some of the most popular destinations around the world."
Top destinations
Top five destinations in the world
1 Milford Sound, New Zealand
2 Queenstown, New Zealand
3 Philipsburg, St Maarten
4 Cayo Largo, Cuba
5 Rhodes, Greece
Top five destinations in Europe
1 Rhodes, Greece
2 Salzburg, Austria
3 Amalfi, Italy
2 Bath, England
5 Siena, Italy
