Address: Crook Road, near Windermere, English Lakes LA23 3NE
Tel: 015394 88818
Web address: www.gilpin-lodge.co.uk. (Warn the postman: all enquiries get bumper bundle including video.)
First impressions: Some tasteful body's very nice country home. Wine-bottle shape: small entrance leads to lots of light, freshly-decorated space. Flower-smothered car park is useful guest guide: Mercedes, Audi, Landcruiser.
What are the rooms like: Pamperland in 14 inventive forms. Ample armchairs - cosy boltholes if wet. Fresh fruit arrangements too beautiful to spoil by nibbling.
The bed test: Sink back and sigh - from fourposters to vast acres where you'll find binoculars are an advantage to find your partner.
The bathroom test: Molton Brown jars, whirlpools, gold taps. No noisy fans. Natural toplight great help for early risers with drowsy mates.
The lounge: Massive sofas offer privacy or chance to chat; lovely views of choice gardens prowled by Outhouse the eccentric cat.
The restaurant: The glory of Gilpin, deservedly rosetted, beribboned and starred. Three separate rooms, outstanding staff, total quality but you can mispronounce the menu without feeling a berk. Dinner £35 for five courses.
Other facilities: Windermere golf course opposite, free use of pool, sauna etc at leisure centre just down road.
What is there to see within walking distance? Marvellous gardens, wild-flower meadow, two small, crinkly fells.
What is there to see within a 10-minute drive? The Lake District. The M6.
How much a night? Double, B&B from £70 to £125. No children under seven.
Would you go back? For more of the food, and to test the "phone-sitting" service which goes with welcome ban on mobiles in public rooms.