The quokka is like a rat the size of a cat. But they don't scuttle like rats. And they've none of the imperious cunning of a cat. They stumble around just wanting to be loved, a very cute and dim marsupial which lives virtually nowhere in the world except on Rottnest Island, off the coast of Perth.
They do all right, there's about 10,000 of them, and they adore tourists - emerging from the undergrowth to wave down buses and pose for their photocalls.
Admittedly, the end of the school year is a fraught time, when the footie-loving boys from Perth and Fremantle arrive on "Rotto" with their crates of Swan to celebrate freedom. But the authorities reckon they've cracked down on the worst excesses of the vicious "quokka soccer" phenomenon.
Rottnest has a checkered past, it's true, being a former Aboriginal penal settlement and a prisoner-of-war camp, but it is a truly beautiful, fascinating island, 11km by 5km, and a great day trip.
The best way to travel is by bicycle. Cycle to a secluded bay, white sands, Indian Ocean water like Evian, sunbathe for a while. Cycle some more. Make friends with the quokkas. Enjoy the unique environment - where else will you find Rottnest Island pine trees? Indulge in the snorkelling. If you want to watch the humpback whales continue on their migration, you have until December. If birds are your thing, osprey patrol the southern coast while cormorants are frequent visitors. And then back to the Rottnest Island tea rooms for food - try the stir fried beef and fried rice.
We arrived at Rottnest on the ferry from Fremantle - a return trip with Boat Torque Cruises www.boattorque.com costs from £50. They also take a glass-bottomed boat out from the island.
There is no better way to get to Fremantle than to cruise down the Swan River, a vast, relaxing waterway where you'll be unlucky if the dolphins don't decide to help you along. (Try www.captaincookcruises.com.au - return trip £10.50 including wine tasting.)
Perth itself is a stunning city. After two hours, I wanted to emigrate. It is one of the most isolated cities in the world and, as a result, all life is relaxed, harmonious.
Locals will tell you that not only is Perth the sunniest state capital in Australia but it also has the best beaches. Cottesloe Beach in particular is idyllic, and lunch at the Indiana restaurant a real joy. Indeed any foodie will be knocked out by Perth. The place is teeming with fine restaurants.
If you want to push the boat out, one of the best is Fraser's in the vast Kings Park with amazing views of the entire city. The special on the evening I was there was panfried barramundi with asparagus and spinach.
At night, Perth becomes a warm version of Manchester, vibrant, exciting with endless places to eat and drink. A good plan would be to head to Northbridge, north of the city centre, to eat Chinese, Thai, Singapore or just a bowl of pasta. Then go drinking in the fashionable Subiaco district.
Around 80% of Western Australia's 1.8m population live in Perth - yet the state takes up a third of Australia. Out of town is awesome, empty country.
Flying is by far the best way to get around. We flew from Perth to Paraburdoo and made a base for two nights in the small archetypal mining town of Tom Price.
This place is as rough and ready as it gets. It's more or less owned by Hamersly Iron and was built in 1962. Train engines pull endless carriages of iron ore - about 22,000 tonnes - from Tom Price to the coast.
The town's only pub - known locally as the animal bar - could almost be a Newcastle working men's club. There's pool tables (best to stick to the locals' rules), a makeshift betting area, the archaic unused discotheque equipment sitting sadly in the corner, a jukebox with an amazing collection of John Cougar. But the men holding up the bar are good company, partly through amazement that a tourist would want to go there but also from genuine friendliness.
A drive out of Tom Price and you're in the Karijini national park, stunningly rugged terrain in the heart of the Pilbara region, one of the oldest land formations on earth. The Aboriginal people have lived here for 30,000 years, arriving by sea, it is thought, from the islands of what is now Indonesia.
The park's tourist centre, interesting though it is, is still very much a large tent, but by next year a new $3m centre should be open. But you don't come here for man-made things, you come for the gorges, the stunning views, the walk through nature.
Our guide for the day was Tim Baird of Design-a-Tour (www.dat.com.au) who lead us down red gorge paths, past shimmering white gum trees, paper trees, fig trees even, into subterranean aquamarine pools and waterways where you can swim, hang out and marvel at the beauty without another soul in sight.
Karijini is not full of tourists - only 35,000-40,000 come here each year, and most Western Australians are ignorant of the intense, breathtaking beauty of the place.
From Tom Price, we drove west through land rich in wildlife: kangaroos, emus and bungarras - a very fast 4ft long lizard which would not be out of place on the Walking with Dinosaurs set. If you want real outback, this is it.
Isolated sheep stations are increasingly opening their doors to tourists. We stayed at Giralia, 100km south of Exmouth. The place is massive, about 265,000 hectares with up to 25,000 sheep. Dinner, bed and breakast costs between $50 and $90 a night. If you can't get in touch with your inner self here, then consider a clinic.
The vastness takes your breath away. It's a ferociously empty, beautiful land where the pioneers are still alive and working.
Another long drive and we're on the coast. Forget the clogged commercial beauty of the Great Barrier Reef on the east coast, the Ningaloo is, at 260km, the longest fringing reef in the world, protecting a lagoon teeming with the most incredible marine life. People here are rightly proud of the marine beauty and diversity - and anxious for it not to go the way of the reef on the other side of Australia.
The beaches could be from Bounty adverts - white sand, achingly gorgeous blue-green water, and, of course, the all-year sun. Along the reef, take your pick, there's so much room here. Turquoise beach is popular with snorkellers and Osprey Bay is a fine place to just fall asleep.
We were based in Exmouth, a reinvented former naval base offering high-standard accommodation from as little as £20 a night. A backpacker can stay for about £6 a night.
Neil McLeod, an archetypal outback man if ever there was one, operates a one-day safari for about £95 in his OKA - an ungainly Australian-built vehicle which seems to use tank engineering to create the coach that will go anywhere.
You will see a lot of kangaroos as you drive through western Australia, most of them, lamentably, dead by the road. But McLeod takes you to places you're not allowed, where there are large communities of kangaroos airily passing the time until spooked by something. They then get in a right fluster and hop crazily all over the place. You can, unfortunately, see why so many end up by the side of the road.
The highlight of the McLeod safari is Yardie Creek, 90km from Exmouth, which runs in from the ocean over a sand bank through intimidating vertical red rock. This is one of the few domains of the threatened black-footed rock wallaby which manages to survive in tight crevices and on impossibly small ledges. Seventy years ago, these timid, fascinating, marsupials were abundant across Australia but proved easy prey, mostly killed off by foxes. No one's going to get them here.
The practicals
Mark Brown travelled with Travelbag (0870 7377779 www.travelbag .co.uk) which organise tailormade holidays and flights to Australia. They do escorted and unescorted itineraries. His ten day trip cost approx £1,500, based on two sharing. He flew with Qantas which now fly daily from London to Perth. The cost included the share of six days hire of a Toyota Landcruiser, two nights at Karijina Lodge in Tom Price, one night at Giralia Station, two nights at Potshot Inn, Exmouth, two nights at the Duxton Hotel, Perth and various excursions, all of which were pre-booked by Travelbag. For further information on Western Australia contact their Tourism Commission on 0207-395 0580, www.tourism.wa.gov.au and www.calm.wa.gov.au.
