Isabel and I arrive a little ruffled in the reception of a country house hotel more used to suits of the grey variety than the rompers we see around us. 'Welcome to Maternal Bliss, and would you like a glass of champagne while we have your car unpacked for you?' say Caroline and Mary-Jane, who look pretty maternal themselves.
I mumble that the car is parked atrociously (a post-natal skill), hand over the keys and almost leave Isabel at the desk.
She looks confused, and well she might. At eight months old, Isabel hasn't really understood that we're going somewhere where I won't have to purée, sterilise or pick up a single thing for nearly four days. Nor why that is such, ahem, bliss.
We left her dad at home, appeasing him by pointing out that he'd enjoy three nights of unbroken sleep. So it is just we girls, and about 12 other mother-and-baby combos, who will be sampling Maternal Bliss.
The clever thing is that while other breaks for mothers focus on leaving the baby at home, Maternal Bliss has spotted the working mother's dilemma: we leave our children at home five days a week and we're not going to do it when we don't have to. Maternal Bliss block-books rooms at a range of country hotels that have the room for creches and the will to deal with tiny guests en masse, then it brings van-loads of equipment and several nannies, beauty therapists and exercise experts.
Caroline Edwards, a mother of three who runs the breaks every month, says her goal is to provide a stress-busting oasis of pampering combined with top-quality child care. All baby equipment is provided, down to changing mats and buggies, so mothers without cars have half a chance of joining the party.
Within 30 minutes of arriving at this month's venue, Fawsley Hall, in Northamptonshire, I am lying on a therapy bed having oils massaged into my muscles. Isabel is entertaining/being entertained by Norland nannies in an airy creche.
The first surprise is that I bump into a friend from college. I'd heard that her two boys don't sleep. I find it hard to believe because she looks fantastic: thin and wide-eyed. Never mind heroin, this is toddler chic.
The second surprise takes a little while to sink in. I was look ing forward to three days of doing nothing, with the occasional break to do nothing, while somebody else did something or other around me. I had brought one magazine, one slim novel and a couple of newspapers, not wishing to set my sights too high. After three full days with childcare on demand, I hadn't even opened the magazine. Somehow, there just wasn't enough time to get on the bed and switch off.
But, on the plus side, I was massaged to within a centimetre of my sanity, de-fuzzed (what a glorious event that was) and almost purged of the desire to sterilise utensils. Of course, no one is forced to do anything they don't want to. Caroline does not round them up for facials with Sally or yoga with Tania. One mother was so keen she stayed up until 1am to have her hair done. I thought this was astonishing not because Sally, the stylist, was prepared to work so late but because these days I panic about sleep deprivation if I haven't got my pyjamas on by 10.30pm.
Most of the treatments are packed in to the day, in between mealtimes. How they manage to accommodate 14 or so baby and tod dler mealtimes is beyond me. Isabel rarely waited for her pre-ordered food for much more than five minutes, and it was hot and delicious when it arrived. She loved the baby yoga session, the only organised activity we shared. Apparently she enjoys being suspended by the ankles and, not having tried this one myself, who am I to argue?
The only thing she didn't enjoy was my attempt to give her a treat: a walk in a superior three-wheeler buggy in the countryside. She howled. What can I tell you? She's a city kid. We stuck to the hotel after that.
I didn't have any qualms about leaving her in the creche. The nannies were lovely and efficient. In the evening they walked the corridors and checked the babies every 15 minutes, while we ate our meal and drank too much.
Many women were on their second Maternal Bliss break, and most said they'd want to go again. It is an idea that could only have been devised by mothers for mothers, because it works. At the end of the four days I was refreshed and delighted to have had so much time with Isabel. Caroline and Mary-Jane looked exhausted. They should go on one of their own breaks.
Fact file
The next Maternal Bliss breaks (020 7592 9557) are from 12-15 June at Bishopstrow House, Warminster, Wiltshire, a country hotel with swimming pools, spa and gym. Breaks for mothers, or couples, with children aged from three weeks to three years, are for one, two and three nights at a cost of £250 a night. This includes meals, baby equipment, four hours childcare, two hours evening 'baby watching' and a massage. The normal rate for B&B is £199.
Custom-made breaks and house parties for groups of six or more can be arranged.
