I've been fat and I've been thin, and let me tell you, thin's better because a) you get to wear better clothes and b) you get drunk quicker.

You'll notice that these are somewhat trivial reasons, and that's because I think fat is a trivial, rather than a feminist, issue. Unless you find yourself slipping down the plughole or booking two airline seats, I honestly don't think your weight affects your life so long as you have everything else - sense of humour, sex skills, social dazzle - in order.

I feel fond of my fat, as you would a slightly predictable old friend, because each surplus pound reflects a night of fun or an afternoon of indolence. However, I'm certainly not proud of it, as a professional fattist is. I always feel sorry for people who are so insecure that they are tragic enough to be proud of their thinness, and I don't see the difference in being proud to be porky. Even Dawn French has stopped boasting about how fat women have more sex than their skinny sisters since her allegedly lard-loving hubby was caught with a super-slender stunna in his hotel room a few years back.

So we can assume that she won't be rushing off to the first dedicated resort for the rotund. The first XXL Resort at the Freedom Paradise Club in Cancun, Mexico, offers giant sun-loungers, reinforced beds and double-sized baths; hotel buildings are single storey with no breathtaking stairs and even doorways are broader than usual. The pool furniture, which boasts the legend "Live large - live free", is minus arms, so that people won't get wedged in them.

"Our belief is that holidays should be fun, even for people who wear XXL clothes," says the gorgeously-named Jurriaan Klink, the German mastermind behind the new resorts. "We want larger guests and we want to make them feel welcome and not discriminated against, whether on the beach or in the pool."

Positive sentiments, but I foresee trouble in paradise. How will the club keep out the sort of slightly overweight people who like to make themselves look thinner by standing next to really fat ones? Will only XXL types be allowed in, or will XLs be acceptable? If the merely plump turn up poolside, will the obese complain to the management? And how will they get around this glitch - by putting potential guests on the scales at the point of entry, as if they were prize turkeys having their weight guessed at a country fair?

I won't be going, anymore than I'd knowingly go to a resort which took only white people, or only straight ones. Where's the fun in being surrounded with bad cover versions of your own special self? My tip for a good fat-girl look this summer? Go the other way entirely, and surround yourself with perfect size-10 girlfriends. It doesn't make you look thin - but it does make you look extremely self-satisfied and non-neurotic. And in my experience, that is so a good look.