So Tony Blair didn't take a balcony holiday as we suggested (a stay-at-home break) and look where it has got him.
All those comments on his tight Speedo trunks last week - most unkind! The Sun even started a Ban the Speedos campaign (encouraging blokes to avoid tight-fitting trunks). But our spies over in Barbados report Tony wearing a pair of black and white polka dot swimming shorts last Sunday when he turned up at the Coral Reef Club to hire a motor boat. Far more flattering!
Looking at the accompanying baggy white vest over the Speedos, though, made me think how typically British he is. How many of us have more than a couple of shabby beach outfits to our name? Each year you shake your crumpled-up beachwear out from the back of the sock drawer where it has been rotting for the past 11 months. (I have a sarong dating back six years while a friend's mum has been wearing the same one for holidays over 20 years.)
Blair's briefs and top appear vintage 1980s. Who needs more swimwear when (apart from this year) you only get to wear them 20 weeks per decade?
· Now might be the time to take a break in London; Americans are still staying away and hotels are eerily empty. This is when no-frills hotels - the chain ones, many bearing the word inn or lodge in the name - are not such great value.
Places such as Travel Inn, Travelodge, Premier Lodge, Days Inn and Express by Holiday Inn charge on average £80 per room night. But for the same money at the moment you can stay in a full-service, more centrally located four-star. Just go to www.laterooms.com for examples.
London hotels are desperate for business - you can even barter if you ring reservations directly. And remember to try to get breakfast included. Two eggs and bacon can come to almost as much as the room.
A few years back I went to Bangkok during a price war and stayed at a budget rate in a four-star hotel only to find the hotel clawing back what it had lost on the room through the extras. You even had to pay to use the pool.
· A new Penguin book called The Flying Book: Everything You've Ever Wondered About Flying On Airlines by David Blatner disappeared from my desk the other day. The culprit was a colleague from a nearby desk who, I discovered, has an enduring obsession with airlines.
You know how many kids have an imaginary friend? Well, Gordon had an imaginary airline as a child called 'WestCanAir'. His cousin Kenny designed a livery - a stylised W on the tail. The airline colours were gold and blue: gold symbolising the rich wheatfields of the Canadian prairies, blue the pure waters of the Pacific. On selected Hawaiian services, complimentary sparkling punch was served in all classes. For the exclusive entertainment of those in business and first class, hula dancers gyrated one hour before touchdown. When passengers disembarked they were presented with colourful leis by a bevy of Polynesian women.
Anyway Gordon, who should know, says it's a fascinating book which tells you facts such as the vacuum toilet took off in 1982 (until then you had a flush into a tank). But remember to get off the seat before flushing, to avoid danger.
