I may not have the body of a supermodel and probably never will unless they perfect self-cloning pretty damn fast, but I still wanted to learn more about one of my favourite things: cooking (usually other people's, though).
So, I couldn't wait to accept the offer of a one-day intensive dinner party cooking course at Raymond Blanc's Ecole De Cuisine at Le Manoir aux Quat' Saisons in Great Milton, Oxfordshire. It's part of the hotel and restaurant that Raymond started 10 years ago and boasts two Michelin stars.
The course is hosted by the head of the cookery school, Stephen Bulmer, but Raymond pops into the kitchen from time to time to check on progress. In my group of eight, there are people with varying degrees of talent and enthusiasm, such as Valerie, a receptionist whose boyfriend had given her the course as a present ("What's he trying to tell me?") and Nina the upfront corporate events organiser who was doing it as a tester for a possible function she was organising for an American bank client. I could just see a bunch of American bankers whisking up a cream sauce dressed in chef's garb.
The course is great fun and perfect if you like tasting along the way and, while I didn't leave at the end of the day completely full of food, let's just say I wasn't exactly starving when I got home for dinner. I actually came home with a slightly wonky chocolate moussecake that I'd made. It tasted gorgeous but, unfortunately, it didn't look very good after the one-hour car journey back to London. I don't think it would have passed the rigorous presentation standards they pride themselves on at Le Manoir in any case.
Stephen has worked with Raymond for many years, and has a very easy-going way of getting the tricks of the trade across to students. He makes it fun but is happy to go over things time and again. (I won't mention when my soufflé turned into a kind of scrambled eggs later that afternoon.) When Raymond dropped by in the afternoon to say hello and check on our salad-making skills, he said mine looked quite promising. I said thank you and continued adding tiny slithers of snapped fried carrot, sweet potato and shallot. It was a good feeling getting the nod of approval from one of the UK's primo food maestros.
The cookery school offers all kinds of courses and there are also master classes and demos that Raymond conducts himself. I personally enjoyed my one-day course with Stephen because I think I would be completely paranoid if I was being taught by Raymond, for obvious reasons. Nick said he was going to sign up with his girlfriend for a four-day course which involved staying at the hotel and making things like pastry, cooking game and, of course, one of the specialties of Le Manoir, seafood and fish. These courses start at £400 for one day and go up to £1,675 for the four-day/five-night school ending with another Manoir dinner and then straight out to the ambulance and off to the four-star hospital of your choice, or straight to the Priory Clinic for some drying out. By the way, they also advise on the wines that go with the food you are cooking and you get to taste quite a few of them (for research purposes only, of course).
My fellow students and I also liked the way Stephen encouraged us to work in teams and to help each other out. I try and encourage this in my kitchen at home - it usually works well, as long as the other person hasn't been overdoing it on the wine sampling before cooking commences. This can be a recipe for disaster and sometimes causes premature take-away ordering and ends with slumber and cold shoulders.(But enough of my occasional mistakes.)
I suppose, in simple terms, the things Stephen did with us on the one-day course basically got the juices going. By the end of the day, I felt like I wanted to know more about the techniques and skills he and Raymond teach. I wanted to harness some more of those little Blanc tricks of the trade so I could amaze my friends and family at a moment's notice. But, if you're looking for some instant and easy formula to your cuisine dreams, it doesn't exist. Raymond and Stephen still work their fingers to the bone and they pride themselves on perfection of ingredients and workmanship. Near enough is not good enough at Le Manoir, and it shows in the way the kitchen staff do things. Between lunch and dinner, the kitchen is alive with nimble hands preparing for the next service, like some beehive of workers getting things ready for the queen bee's magical work.
One of my favourite parts of the day was actually seeing Stephen make a few mistakes - after all those years of cooking, even he misjudges the cooking time of the odd soufflé (he actually had to put it back in the oven twice). He also slammed the oven door too hard at one stage causing the oven shelf to fall on another batch of soufflés (sorry, Stephen, I had to tell the truth). It was all done with a great sense of humour and entertainment. As Stephen says, "You have to cater the classes for the kind of people who are in them." Some are full of experts looking to expand their knowledge, while others are more corporate days out or people trying to perfect their basic skills.
All my classmates for the day enjoyed the banter and new skills we acquired in just a few short hours. I also especially enjoyed all the dipping in of fingers and sampling that took place. It reminded me of when my mum used to make her weekly cake when I was just a mere strapling of a boy (less than 10 stone). We also had a very interesting peruse around the many different qualities of balsamic vinegar on the market today - from the supermarket version at a couple of quid (still from Modena but diluted) to the Rolls-Royce of balsamic in a small bottle and worth over £150 - like some cocaine of cuisine, but much more flavour. So I'm told.
Raymond set up the school 10 years ago because he "wanted to offer guests the chance not only to learn the secrets of producing the finest food, but also my thinking behind those secrets, as well as getting to grips with the basics of nutrition. Today, it's even more important to celebrate fresh ingredients mixed in with that knowledge and skill". He has an organic market garden on the premises that most of the vegetables for the school and restaurant come from, and he is proud of the self-sufficiency at Le Manoir.
So, if you're ready to open that door to your untapped culinary talents at Le Manoir aux Quat' Saisons, and you manage to make something fabulous, please remember I'm your man when it comes to a cheeky taste with that big serving spoon. Can I have a refund for my flat soufflé please?
Way to go
Getting there: From London, take the M40 and turn off at junction 7 (A329 to Wallingford). From the North, leave M40 at junction 8A and follow signs to Wallingford (A329). After 1 miles, turn right, follow the brown signs for Le Manoir aux Quat'Saisons.
Courses: Le Manoir (01844 278881, manoir.com) offers a one-day course for £400, a two-day course for £780pp, and five days for £1,675. These includes Raymond Blanc's seven-course "Menu Gourmand" dinners, accommodation, French breakfasts and all tuition and ingredients (including lunch and afternoon tea). Partners can stay for free throughout the course, paying only for meals and drinks.
Jonathan "Jono" Coleman presents the breakfast show on Heart 106.2FM from 6.30am-9am.
Ten of the best cookery courses around
Mosimann Academy, William Blake House, Bridge Lane, Battersea, London SW11 3AD. Tel: 020-7326 8344, mosimann.com.
Coming with an impeccable reputation, Anton Mosimann's school also has courses for the enthusiastic amateur. Price on application.
Aldeburgh Cookery School, 84 High Street, Aldeburgh, Suffolk, IP15 5AB. Tel: 01728 454039. Food journalist Thane Prince and chef Sara Fox offer a variety of courses. A one-day course costs £85 inc lunch; a weekend costs £375 inc meals and wine.
The Cordon Vert Cookery School , Parkdale, Dunham Road, Altrincham, Cheshire WA14 4QG. Tel: 0161-928 0793. vegsoc.org
Established in 1982 and based at the Vegetarian Society headquarters in Cheshire. Catering for all levels. From £65.
The Village Bakery, Melmerby, Penrith, Cumbria, CA10 1HE. Tel: 01768 881515, village-bakery.com.
Andrew Whitley founded this award-winning Village Bakery and runs bread- and cake-making courses. From £110.
Rick Stein's The Padstow Seafood School, The Seafood Restaurant, Riverside, Padstow, Cornwall PL28 8BY. Tel: 01841 532700, rickstein.com.
Specialising in fish preparation and cooking techniques from the king of Cornwall. One-day courses start at £130.
Leith's School of Food and Wine, 21 St Albans Grove, London W8 5BP. Tel: 020-7229 0177, leiths.com.
Well-established and respected school. Half-day practicals start from £70.
Confident Cooking, PO Box 841, Devizes, Wiltshire SN10 4UX. Tel: 01380 812846. confidentcooking.com.
Learn to cook in food writer Caroline Yates' farmhouse. Demonstrations from £30, including lunch.
Ballymaloe Cookery School, Shanagarry, Midelton, Co Cork, Republic of Ireland. Tel: 00 353 21 4646 785, cookingisfun.ie/.
Professional and leisure courses. Christmas cooking one-day courses start at around IR£135. Demonstrations every weekday with top chefs.
Lady Claire Macdonald, Kinloch, Sleat, Isle of Skye, Scotland IV43 8QY. Tel: 01471 833214.
Well-known Scottish cook and author holds three-night residential courses at an hotel combining cooking demonstrations and relaxation. From £330.
The Nairns Cook School, Port of Menteith, Stirling, Scotland FK8 3JZ. Tel: 01877 385603, nairnscookschool.com.
Located near Lake Menteith, Nick Nairn is Scotland's youngest chef to be awarded a Michelin star and fellow chef John Webber trained alongside the Savoy's Anton Eddelman. Courses start at £99 (accommodation not included).
